Emotional Rollercoaster / Split Personality

What do I mean by split personality? Well, Geminis are known to have split personalities, they can be sociable and happy one second, gloomy and moody the next. That's me, if you know me. Been going through some changes in my life, mostly in how I think and act. After 2 years of staying home, doing 'goody-goody' stuff, I've suddenly felt the urge to go clubbing. This of coz probably has to do with the return of Esther who wanted to go clubbing, and also due to Capt. Henry gua. I started going to Soho/Grappa with Esther and her frens as well as our other cousins. The strange thing was that my bro came along...so we hung out a lot those days. Now looking back, I guess going clubbing together has kinda brought us to better terms. Probably coz he's grown up a bit, and guess he can see how I am..and vice-versa. It's probably to do with me nagging him less too...i mean..let him make his own mistakes rite? I can't keep protecting him...but yea...kinda fun to hang out with him at times...his damm big ego makes me laugh..Met a few new ppl then through Esther too....so it was pretty interesting....

5 cousins: Top- Me and my bro.
Bottom (L-R) - Esther, Ah Tee, Saw Hui (Eric of Eric Salon at 3rd mile above Sunflower Bakery)

But after Esther left, I changed to Xanadu, since I don't have any dancing kaki. Haha! Xanadu's pretty fun too...last time when it was still called Spiderweb, we used to go for karaoke. Now we're still into karaoke but on busy nites, it takes quite long till it's our turn to sing. So we've now learned several drinking games..plus I've made frens with the workers there..plus the boss..so yea..we kinda have special treatment, esp with Henry there. He's there so often it's like his home! ahah. Like for Soho, my bro does the booking or deals with the ppl there and for Xanadu, it's Henry. Tho my gal-frens think I'm moving up there too...lol. Oh, and I've gotten more keen on clubbing type of music...but it's also a mix with all these emo-mandarin songs..must b from all that karaoke..

So why the emotional rollercoaster? Put it this way, not every1 can handle my changes or my sudden urge to do wilder stuff. Sure ppl might say I'm still very kuai..not doing anything too wild, but hey, for me they think it's wild. Clubbing is nth much to most ppl, but nowadays I go every weekend...I've gotten piss-drunk..and no, it wasn't a pretty sight and not something I'm gonna repeat. But basically, my personality is changing too. I'm more keen on playing...not wanting to settle down into the serious stuff. I guess it's to do with my feeling that it's now my last sem of uni life. After this, we're gonna enter the working world and we can't enjoy as much coz it'll be work work work, climb the corporate ladder, meet targets...etc. So I guess I felt that I might have wasted some of my uni years and I'm making up for it now. My bro must feel that I'm trying too hard..but what the heck rite? Better late than never. I hear stories from my relatives that they regret not playing more, coz they can't play or enjoy much now...so yea...I'm 22, gotta enjoy when I still can right?

Yet, the shitty thing is that the other part of me thinks...I'm playing too much..how about my studies, my FYP which is still hanging there....then I go...WTF AM I THINKING OR DOING?! Is it worth it? The question that plagues me these days is...am I giving up something good for something bad...or do I just want the bad thing just coz it's new and exciting....am I sacrificing something more important? Or is part of me hanging on to the old just coz it's good, safe and confirmed? I wonder what it is that I really want...

Edit: In addition to all this, I feel that I don't have much emotions these days...at most..I can obviously feel anger...but I rarely truly feel happy....i feel cold...whatever happens...it is only for the moment...it doesn't last...i feel that i've gone back to being 'batu'....the rock who feels nothing except anger. And that worries me...I should be feeling so much more. I want to be happy...but I can't...I take out my anger on my innocent friends..esp the Capt....and the rest are stuck in between...and when I get angry...it's for no apparent reason other that I'm not happy with my life...so yea..pretty shitty...i feel like drinking...but i can't....not just for this...i need to control it...what the heck is going on......

All this emotional baggage is wrecking havoc with my body...I lost over 1 kg in the last 2 weeks...but I got more pimples and white hair -_-||. Nowadays I also get a lot of food cravings but bcoz I don't feed the cravings, I don't eat much dinner and sorta starve till lunch the next day, coz that's when I can decide what to eat with CY and Henry. What do i crave for? Here's the updated list:
- BBQ stingray with sambal
- smoked chicken / BBQ chicken wings
- takoyaki
- beef/lamb kebab (the type in the Lebanese bread)
- bakulong (something like pickled mango or similar fruit)
- shepherd's pie..or something with mashed potatoes and meat!
- salad with bacon/cold cuts, potatoes...

Damm, just made myself hungry..*tummy rumbles* And of coz, when I feel frustrated and moody as I do now but don't know why...I feel like drinking....to forget about stuff...but I know it's not good to depend on alcohol. Which is why I will go and watch some movie after this. Probably Las Vegas season 1 or Van Wilder: Rise of Taj or Hairspray. Something to distract me.

Before I forget, Michael and Burger are now in KLIA, waiting for their Royal Dutch Airlines flight to Amsterdam and then to Brussels, Belgium. Their ultimate destination is Leuven, Belgium. They were accepted as Software and Research Engineers (or something like that) with Materialise, which is a software company based in Belgium. They're going to Leuven for 3 months training and will come back to work in KL. So yea, pretty good huH? Getting to go to EUROPE, all expenses paid trip, allowance given etc, good pay. Damm! Haha...but I'm not really keen on the job..I'm a crappy engineering student..most ppl think I'm a business student..or would be better off as. So yea, I probably would end up in a business job in the future...hey..I'm keen on sales engineer post! Anyway..all the best to them...hope they have a great trip ..and they learn lots...experience the European life and come back safely ;) For more details and to keep updated on their adventures, u can check Mike's blog.

So hey..long emo ramble from me today....but guess I feel better now...didn't have anyone to talk to just now..so...yea..let it all out here i guess. Btw, check out my deviantart, have updated some new pics. So, till next time!

They say this pic makes me look slimmer and like a giant but i think it's rather emo, so suits me now.