Why?

Just finished a group presentation for genre studies an hour ago and received some feedback on it, including our previous written assessments. Wasn't too happy with my marks as this is probably my favourite subject and well, I try to do well in it. But I definitely couldn't fault the lecturer's comments as they were true. Most of us in the class could analyse the texts well on their own, but we couldn't critically compare them with each other or to critically explain why we pinpointed those features of the text. We just did them because we had to. 

This is so similar to the mindset of the students most of us teach. They learn and do the things they do...simply because they HAVE to. Or so they think. In the current Malaysian education system, this may be the case, where we just have to learn these pre-set subjects and focus on these areas so we can do well in exams. But once students reach university, these concepts go out the window. In most good universities, critical thinking is crucial. This is also later seen in their future careers and life itself. We may be able to identify the problems or things to focus on....but the lecturers don't want to know what is the problem. They want to know, WHY is that the problem, and why is it important....and well...how do you fix it later? What are the consequences if you don't fix the problem...why do you fix it in such a way..and so on. We need to link the Why to What we do....

So, the most important question in studies and basically life in general...is...WHY?????

We get so caught up in our busy lives, trying to finish our never-ending to-do lists...trying to balance everything that we do, from life to playtime. But I think most of us tend to forget, why are we doing all that? Why do we work so hard everyday? Why do we slot in time to do some things..and leave out others? It becomes methodical and automatic for us to just make time for everything, but we never stop and think, is it really an important thing to do? Could we make do without doing that? If we turned down someone's request, would they really suffer without our help...or die? Why do we do things a certain way, and why not another way?

There's so much that I could actually write on. But basically, I think most of us have gotten so used to things that we never actually question ourselves...or question the status quo. I think I will try to live my life in such a way, that I should always ask myself 'WHY???' first before I do anything. Instead of just accepting something as it is...I should ask 'Why should I do it? Why is it important? Why is it done in such a way? Would another way be better?' and more. Basically, look at the big picture, instead of focusing on the small details right off the bat. 

So despite feeling bad about my marks, which were actually not too bad, but the competitive side of me refuses to accept them...I need to think of the big picture. Will I ever remember how I did for this assessment after some time, or will I remember that because of this, I was reminded to look at the big picture? I think, I will be more likely to remember that I need to think of the 'Why?' in life, or anything at all. Always think critically and try to link what we notice to what we learn. Not to accept status quo or things as they are. There is never 1 set rule for doing things, coz different people see and do things differently and we just have to accept that. So sometimes, we need to think out of the box and be open to various possibilities. So one month later, I probably won't remember that I got 10.5 out of 15...but I will try to open my mind to the big picture. It helps that I'll be in Bali, this time next month. Hehehe. :)

Will Anyone?

After doing so much for others...running around organizing things for them...making them happy.... when it's my turn, will anyone bother to even remember? Will they actually do something, or just leave it up to me, the person who can handle it all? Will I be forced to have to plan something for myself..as I usually do?

Perhaps I should do a little experiment. For a change, I shouldn't plan anything, and see if anything happens. I guess that will tell me where I stand with the people in my life right? After all, not quite in the mood to be doing anything....plus...it's usually tricky to organize. Ah well....we'll see when it comes.

True Love?

Never ever think that you're not good enough for someone else. If you get told that, tell them to go screw themselves. Coz baby, you're worth it..and more! You should always think that you're an awesome person. Coz in your own way, you are. Everyone of us should love ourselves more before loving someone else. How can you expect someone to love you if you don't even love yourself?

Don't say that you can't match up to someone because of what qualification/monetary status they might have. If you really think about it..isn't it just paper? In the end, when you leave this world, can you bring those with you?  What is more important, is your personality, the actions you do and how you spent your time on this earth. That's what people will remember about you. In every relationship of any sort, whether it is a friendship, girl-boy relationship, teacher-student.... it is both parties who will bring something to the table. It is never a one-way street. Even if people say that the students just takes knowledge from the teacher...that is so not true after just 3 months of teaching. You can learn quite a lot from your students...maybe not book knowledge, but how you see things or react to situations. Sometimes their honesty and varying point of views make you open your eyes to new possibilities of doing things or situations. 

So, you should always remember that even though it might seem like you're not up to someone's standards, even tho they have never said anything about it....you have your own unique experience/knowledge and contribution to be shared with them....everyone is special...no 2 people are exactly alike, so why can't you appreciate your own colour? 

I think people fall into the trap of treating any relationship as a trade and barter thing. If you get something from someone, you need to give them something in return. That's not how a relationship or love works. Real love is when you give something to them without expecting anything in return. You're doing something because you love them, not because you want something in return. Plus, if you're doing/giving something... don't judge the value based on monetary worth or size or scale.... it's not about how much it costs.... but more of your feelings. It could be a really cheap handmade gift that you spent a lot of time making...but I'm sure your loved one will appreciate it way more than an expensive gift that you spent 5 minutes picking out. Super cliched but it really is the thought and effort that matters more to someone. 

For example, if you asked me to choose between an expensive 3-star Michelin dinner and a personally cooked meal from the guy I like....of course I'm picking the expensive dinner. Joking!.. I'd definitely pick the home cooked meal. You can always earn back the money you've spent...but you can never get back the time spent on something....

The whole point of being with someone...is because you love and accept them. Not because they are clever, rich, successful, handsome, funny.....those are good criteria a person can have. But you should love someone because you accept them completely for who they are... both their strengths and weaknesses. There shouldn't be a reason for loving someone. You just love them, plain and simple.That means, if you appear in front of them with your hair in a mess, no make-up and slouchy clothes...and they still want to spend time with you...that's real acceptance. It's not real if you expect to keep up your perfect facade in front of them all the time, and hide your 'flaws'. Everyone has flaws....so we should just learn to accept them. If they really love you, they can accept it..why can't you do the same, right? I think most of the people in my life have probably seen me in super 'i don't care about appearance' mode...and haven't really batted an eye. If they did, I'd know that they aren't real friends....haha. 

Hmm..my recent posts are starting to make me feel like some self-help guru wannabe...ahaha. I don't know... in my busiest moments..i get struck by these random thoughts and decided to write them here. Partly for my own future reference..and also to express my opinions ..since i hear a lot of these things from surrounding people.

Team Delena

Whoa! What happened to blogger? Confusing new layout...but i digress. So, Vampire Diaries readers/viewers would obviously know what i'm talking about. Heck yeah, i'm on Team Delena! Not sure what i'm talking about? I've been telling everyone I know to watch Vampire Diaries, coz it's freaking good. Every episode leaves you shocked/stunned/amazed...with all the twists the writers throw at you weekly. It helps that the actors are all gorgeous in their own ways...but they are really good too...you can't help but feel for their characters, the way they want you to.

So, Team Delena...of Elena, the main lead girl who's good, strong and well...everyone falls in love with her. Has a tendency to be boring...Hmm..i see similarities in myself..except the ppl falling in love with her part. Haha! And well...she fell in love with Stefan Salvatore, the good vampire brother....but had lots n lots of chemistry and sexual tension with the 'bad' vampire brother, Damon Salvatore. Being me, of course you guys know which brother is my fave! The broodingly smouldering Damon of course! His eyes are really something..but there's just something about him. He comes off as evil to everyone...but Elena is the one who always sticks up for him....coz he's not really THAT bad. Story of my life!...

In the latest episode, which I took a short break from work/studies to catch up on, 'Heart of Darkness' Ep19 of Season 3....was a total treat for Delena fans. Not to give it all away...but i thought there were some compelling quotes from that episode. 

Elena: Why don't you ever let anyone see the good in you?

Damon: When people see good, they expect good. And I don't wanna live up to anyone's expectations.

Rose: It's not just that she makes him a better person. And she does. But he changes her too. Damon challenges her, surprises her. He makes her question her life, beliefs. Stefan is different. His love is pure. He'll always be good for her. Damon is either the best thing for her, or the worst.

Rose took the words right out of my mouth...not necessarily about Damon...but basically about what i kinda look for in a guy. Damon kinda embodies that in some ways. I like guys who can teach me..about life, about seeing things differently, living life to the fullest. That I shouldn't be too complacent about things, but continually challenge myself to be better, more innovative and keep improving on myself. Of course, these kinda guys...aren't always easy to be with...or they come with baggage...or...just unattainable for me! I agree...that the things/people you learn the most from, tend to be those who are both the best or worst thing in your life. They can bring you happiness...but bcoz you care about them...they also have the most power to hurt or destroy you.

Still, I don't like guys who are 'square' and follow the rulebook to a T and thinks Mummy is always right. If we just live life listening to what others tell us to do...that's not OUR life..that's theirs. If our seniors/parents/family tells us something wrong..we have to be able to stand up and say..'hang on...that's not right.' It's not being rude..it's being honest about something when we should be. Part of life.

Short Life Lessons

Listening to some recent albums by Xiao Zhu, Anthony Neely, Madonna, Rihanna, Katy Perry and Pixie Lott. Their songs, along with some recent incidents reminded me of some things.

No matter how bad things get, you just have to suck it up and carry on. No matter how much you mope/whine/cry about it...life will still move on without you. Might as well go with the flow, or risk getting left behind in the past. Time and tide waits for no one.

Even if things seem hard, we just have to try our best. It is better to have given something our 100%, rather than to sit still and not try at all, just because we're afraid of being wrong or laughed at. Better to have tried something than to just be an onlooker in life. We'll never learn anything that way. Even if we fail, we just have to pick ourselves up and try again. If we keep trying, we'll reach our goal one day. 

If something seems too difficult at the moment, take a moment to breath and maybe think things through. Maybe things will seem better or different after a short break. We can't expect to be experts and get everything done in one single shot. Some things just need to be done a step at a time, or slowly plugging through it. Slow and steady does it. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day!

So what if that guy isn't responding to you? Or so what if that job/opportunity passed you by? Something/someone even better may be just around the corner. Sometimes we tend to think too much about what we missed out on, that we fail to realise that something new is right in front of us. Like they say, if you stare too long at the closed door, you don't notice the other doors opening around you. Always keep your eyes peeled for opportunities/new things!

Reckless

After all the things I have done...or decided in my life, I think some people might describe me as reckless. Or perhaps flighty. After all, I spent 9 years studying and working as an engineer..and now I'm studying and working to be an English teacher. But okay, despite the career switch, I think there are many things that even my closest friends would shake their heads at. 

I don't know why, but I somehow find myself having to justify or explain my reasoning in this blog. I'm kinda lazy to do it in real life, because there are probably too many people to do so. Writing it here, would help me to recall back to the incidents and go...oh..that's right. So yes, back to why all the 'recklessness?' Once again, it's back to my theory, life is short! We seriously have no clue as to how long we are meant to be on earth for. I don't want to be in the last few days of my life and think back on everything that i've done...and have any regrets. I want to look back on days gone by and smile or laugh at everything that occurred. Sure, I'd probably cringe at a few, probably because of how silly I was or how embarrassing they might have been. But, at least I tried, that's more important.

I believe in seizing the opportunity or moment as they come. I can't keep thinking, I'll save that for tomorrow...I'll see that person or tell him/her tomorrow... I'll do that another day. What if tomorrow never comes? What if that is the last time you'll see that person? What if that opportunity never comes around again? Then you'd feel really bad that you didn't do it right when you thought of it. Sometimes we tend to overthink things and end up not making a move. Why? Because we are afraid of how we might come across, or how others view us. I say, screw all that and if you want to do something, just do it! 

Even though people think that I just jump into things sometimes, I don't. I am actually someone who does think a lot about things...weighing it out carefully..considering the pros and cons...costs etc. But nowadays, I'm slowly changing to be more....impulsive or relaxed. These days, my main thought process is, if I do this...will I regret it? If I don't do this, will I regret for not taking the chance? Will I keep thinking about it? After I've answered all these, then I'll either do it or not. I'll deal with the consequences later when they come. Sometimes you just have to go with your gut feel. The brain is meant to be logical...but the heart can be stronger.

I think these pictures kinda sum it up....

Labels

Labels. What am I going on about today? You know how people tend to 'label' their relationships with others after a certain stage? You know, like....acquaintances, friends, best friends, BFFs, girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, friends with benefits, mistress, rival, enemy, and so on....

I think the moment you label your relationship, it starts getting messy and potentially primed for problems. Once you assign a label to the relationship, you start having expectations from it. But the other party may not respond the way you want..or feel the same way. Hence, the beginning of issues! It's like once you have expectations, you start to think, oh, they should treat you this way, or 'give' something to you. It should be a give and take thing..it does take 2 to be in a 'relationship' of any sort.

But yet, I kind of understand why we do label our relationships. We have this tendency to want to classify the things in our life. Pay attention to the things/people we value more, and kinda ignore the rest, since we're all fighting against time. So those people with the 'higher' labels would of course have more of our time. It's somewhat of a security thing as well. We want the label so that we are clear about what is going on between the 2 people. For example, the girl would normally ask, "So, are we boyfriend n girlfriend now?" She asks this because she wants to be reassured that she is the only girl the guy is seeing, or else she'd be thinking that the guy is playing with her or just wasting her time and invested efforts/emotions. But this usually results in 2 situations...either the guy sees her as a girlfriend...or not. Very loaded question with lots of potential of heartbreak.

Some people tend to ask, so who is so and so to you? Why do you treat them that way, why do you hang out/why don't you hang out with them? Why don't you work out what is going on between you guys? They find it confusing that I don't always have a label for all my friends. I think after many previous incidents, I've felt that it is usually easier and less messy to not label every single relationship. Of course, it's easy to label the clear-cut ones...like 'i don't like that girl, so she's not my friend'. But other friendships that don't necessarily fall under any specific category, why bother to crack my head over how to label them? I'd rather just enjoy the relationship/companionship as it is. No need to go and ask, "Hey, so what is our relationship? Friends? Besties? Best Friends Forever? Sisters from another mother?"

I think it's more important to look at the big picture than to worry about minor details like that. Like I said, life is short. For all we know, it could really be the end of the world this yr, and we're stressing ourselves over minor details like how do I refer to this person in my life. They have a name, so we just need to say, this is 'Top, my friend,' or that's 'Jessica, the girl I really can't stand.' (Using Kpop stars as examples here..haha!) Easier to just use the basic labels, that they are your friend/not your friend.

Life is already hard and complicated enough without having all these labels...we should just enjoy what we have and take it a day at a time. Just let things happen as they come...get to know the person well..accept them for who they are and how they help you grow as a person. Can't always look at people and think, so what can I get from them today? What benefits do I get from being their friend/girlfriend/bestie etc? Whatever benefits may come your way as a result, should be a BONUS, not the main reason of the relationship. I sometimes feel that I am so pampered by my friends, that I worry how I can repay them...I don't take care of them enough?

But once again, I don't expect everyone to agree with me. I may just be weird this way. *shrugs* Read this if you wanna know more

http://www.howtogetoverarelationship.com/relationship-advice/

If only....

I know this would seem rather random, especially since I haven't updated in so many months? But I suddenly thought of these...like..what would I want to do with my boyfriend..if I had one! Haha...just thought I'd jot them down so that I can remember to do them when i do get one...LOL

- Piggy back ride from him
- Holding hands while window shopping etc...
- Holding his hand while he leads me across the road (coz I'm honestly not too good at crossing roads!)
- Back hug
- Randomly hold each other's waist
- Just hugging each other tightly
- Being able to tell him 'Oppa, saranghae!' and do the cheesy heart shape with my fingers or arms to him
- Take cute/sweet photos to my heart's content
- Wear couple shirt, use couple perfumes etc...just plain being able to buy a couple set of something!
- Allowing me to sniff his new cologne on his neck
- Letting me 'dress' him up like a real life Ken doll
- Hold hands n being able to lean on his shoulder while watching a movie :)
- To be able to buy each other surprise presents just for no reason at all...doesn't even have to be anything big
- Accompany me to fangirl at Xiao Zhu's concert etc though he might be jealous

Haha..kinda silly right? But sometimes it's really the small things that matter and makes us happy. Will add more if I can think of them and hopefully I can achieve some...sometime soon?...LOL...

Cotton Candy

I just had to blog about this. Been feeling rather depressed, demotivated and unhappy these days. Mostly about the workload, how there is so much to do, both at work and in my personal life. It sucks having to be the eldest, having to take care of everything :P.

Anyway, this song was just released as a digital single yesterday and I was really expecting it to be trot, considering it's Dae Sung and all. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that it's kinda old school, you know like back in the 60-80's, that type of sweet love song. But like its title and lyrics, the melody just makes you think of simpler times, like days with just the right amount of sunlight and you have all the time in the world to just lie on your back and imagine what those fluffy clouds look like to you etc. Or picnics, a trip to the fair, or just taking a walk hand-in-hand with the guy you like. Haha..actually..stuff I've never really done. But yea, it just gives you that feeling. So i guess it's suitable to lift my mood now.

Enjoy!

And here are the lyrics with translation!

Verse1

따스한 저 햇살과 함께 그대 손을 잡고서

ddaseuhan jeo haessalgwa hamkkae geudae soneul jabgoseo

Holding your hand in the warm sunshine

라 라랄라 노랠 부르며 달콤한 데이트

lalalalla norel bureumyeo dalkomhan daiteu

We sing Lalalala as we go on our sweet date

그대란 마음의 설탕 한스푼

geudaeran maeumeh seoltang han seupoon

One spoon of sugar with your heart

어 느새 구름처럼 커진 내마음

eoneusae kureumcheoreom keojin nae maeum

And before I know it, my heart has become as big as a cloud

Chorus

그 대는 솜사탕 내맘이 녹아요

geudaeneun somsatang nae mami nogayo

You’re like cotton candy, My heart melts

몽실몽실 그대 보고만 있어도 녹아요

mongshil mongshil geudae bogoman isseodo nogayo

Just looking at your fluffy face makes me melt

Verse2

불면 날아갈까 손대면 녹을까

bulmyeon naragalkka sondaemyeon nogeulkka

What if I blow and you fly away, what if I touch you and you melt

눈 깜빡 사라지면 너무 아쉬워

nun kkamppak sarajimyeon neomu ashiweo

I’m so disappointed when you disappear with the blink of an eye

그대는 솜사탕 입술에 녹아요

geudaeneun somsatang ibsurae nogayo

You’re like cotton candy, You melt on my lips

살짝 입맞춘 그대와 날아가볼까

saljjak immachun geudaewa naragabolkka

Should I fly away with you, our lips gently touching

그대는 솜사탕 내 맘이 녹아요

geudaeneun somsatang nae mami nogayo

You’re like cotton candy, my heart melts

몽 실몽실 그대 보고만 있어도 녹아요

mongshil mongshil geudae bogoman isseodo nogayo

Just looking at your fluffy face makes me melt

Bridge

코 끝에 간질간질 그대가 좋아서

kokkeutae ganjilganjil geudaega joaseo

The tip of my nose is tingly tingly, because I like you

그대는 솜사탕

geudaeneun somsatang

You’re like cotton candy

Chorus

그대는 솜사탕 입술에 녹아요

geudaeneun somsatang ibsurae nogayo

You’re like cotton candy, You melt on my lips

살짝 입맞춘 그대와 날아가볼까

saljjak immachun geudaewa naragabolkka

Should I fly away with you, our lips gently touching

그대는 솜사탕 내 맘이 녹아요

geudaeneun somsatang nae mami nogayo

You’re like cotton candy, my heart melts

몽실몽실 그대 보고만 있어도 녹아요

mongshil mongshil geudae bogoman isseodo nogayo

Just looking at your fluffy face makes me melt

녹아요 녹아요

nogayo nogayo

I melt, I melt

Translation Credits: sjay.x @ BBVIP

Unrecognizable Reflection?

I know I haven't updated in over a year! Actually, I had posts that were in draft and have yet to finish them. But I just felt like posting this. Recently, I was introduced to the music of Death Cab for Cutie by Leonard and yeah, their album 'Plans' kinda struck a chord with me. Particularly this song.

Brothers on a Hotel Bed - Death Cab for Cutie

These lyrics kind of triggered me to think a lot more about what's going on in my life at the moment. And I can really relate to them. Why? I don't mean to say that I've physically changed. Of course, there are some changes in that sense...but the major change is more emotional and psychological. 

Something he was not looking for 

Both a beginning and an end 

But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize 

When he catches his reflection on accident

I used to think that I'm not someone whose emotions can be easily affected. That I'm someone strong despite whatever crap happens and that I'd be able to pull through without having to depend on someone. But ever since I moved to KL, somehow I feel that I've gone through several mini 'breakdowns' and am constantly affected by a sense of helplessness. That I dont like what's going on in my life, yet I am unable to do much to change them. Or that I still need to wait things out before deciding what next. I also feel that my personality has somewhat changed as a result. 

I used to think that I was kinda arrogant, and pretty confident in my capabilities. Now? I'd probably tell you that I dont have much to offer. As an employee, I'm probably just good at working hard, but not smart in the way of moving up. I'm not good at talking to management and all that unless I really have to. I used to think that I'd do well in admin/management position, but now I feel that it's so much bother, paperwork and reporting. Basically, you'd be in constant meetings, discussions, trying to figure out how to work things out to report to the boss, announce things to the underlings and all that. A lot of my friends are on the lookout for new jobs but me, I look at the adverts and go...I dont fit this requirement, I dont fit that. My degree is somewhat in the middle of fields, not good enough for purely electronics, not for pure computer science. And I am not exactly good in either fields, nor am I a good engineer. I do best in project engineering and yet, most project engineer posts require civil or mechanical knowledge. I'm also not sure if i should go into sales, after all, I'm rather introverted at first impression. So, where exactly does that leave me?

As a friend? Maybe I'm not such a good friend, in the sense that ppl dont contact me unless they need something? Maybe I'm just boring? I feel insecure in my position as a friend to others. I usually will worry that someone else will become closer to this friend than me, and I get all jealous when that happens. I know that's stupid, but i cant help it. Nowadays I feel that I have less people to confide in? And that 95% of my friends are no longer single, so I dont feel good taking up their time in that case. So yea, feel kinda lonely a lot of the time and I keep a lot of stuff to myself compared to previously. Or end up confiding in people that I never expected to be close to. But hey, at least they're willing to listen.

Relationships? I guess a psychiatrist would consider me probably destructive and constantly on the defense. Or that I just dont know how to be in a relationship for long. I am afraid of really caring for someone and showing them. I think I feel that if i get into things too deeply, I'm afraid that I'd get hurt and tend to hurt them first. End things on my terms and all that. And if i get criticized by them, I would always find excuses to defend myself, twist things around etc. Maybe that's just normal for us...but I dont know. I kinda feel that I dont know how to deal with guys. That they probably treat me as one of the guys and that sucks at times. Yeah, that makes me cool to hang out with but not someone to date. And yet, I'm not entirely sure I want to change that. Half the time I enjoy just hanging with the guys, just coz i like the same stuff. But when the guy I have some interest in, just treats me like the rest of the guys..then major ouch.

See what I mean? I think I've never been as insecure or lost as I am now. I joke that I've reached my 'quarter life crisis' a yr early. I know that it's probably time to make some decisions but I dont think i'm ready to. Now that we're considered adults, living on our own, joining the working life, there is just so much more to think about. There would be major consequences to whatever decisions we make. It's not just about us anymore. More things would be affected. No matter how much I think, I still feel lost. And I just want to get rid of all these problems, and live a care-free life. Go on holiday and forget it all. That works..for a few days and when i come back home... reality and all its problems come crashing back at me. It might have been better not to have gone on holiday at all. But I guess, sometimes clarity comes to u at the oddest times and a short break would do the body well, if not the mind. These lyrics from the ending of the song kinda sums things up for me. 

On the back of a motor bike 

With your arms outstretched trying to take flight 

Leaving everything behind 

But even at our swiftest speed 

We couldn't break from the concrete 

Turning 23 (Part 2)

I know, it's been over 4 months since I blogged. So this is really a very delayed birthday post. Haha. What to do, life has been hectic for me. Anyway, on with how my birthday went this year. Well, a big difference was that there was no big party as per previous years. All I had was a karaoke session with Mike and Kwang Houg at Neway 1Utama. Also had a dinner with my uncle them, and a little cake session in the office pantry when I brought out my cake (courtesy of my auntie) to share with them. All of these were before my actual birthday, except the cake session.

On my actual birthday, I was woken up at the ungodly hour of 3am due to Stephen Apek's msg (wonder what he was doing up so late). To be honest, I was actually kinda down for the rest of the day, coz I didn't really receive many msgs in the morning. And it's also my first bday away from family. Overall, I think this was an interesting birthday though quiet. At least I had a lot of time to think over what I've done in the previous years. So here's a point-form summary (at least it wont be so long winded rite?) in chronological order:

- Elected as head prefect in Form 4/Form 5, which was something of an achievement for me since I was never a prefect till Form 4 itself....much to the displeasure of many ppl

- Joined Taekwondo and managed to win 2nd prize for Pattern competition (heh, at least something for sports right?)

- Asked to take part in Swinburne's Inaugural Debate, leading to us finally joining the Inaugural Yayasan Sarawak English University Debate (the actual name is too damm long) and we got 3rd - Elected President of Rotaract Club of Swinburne Sarawak and managing to help the club to achieve its 1st Presidential Citation and a few District 3310 awards

- Becoming Organizing Chairperson for a few big projects like Swinburne's Prom Night 2005 and the Rotaract/Interact fundraiser to buy books for rural Sarawakian schools

- Helped to set-up and run 2 new clubs in Swinburne: Explorers Club and Photomedia & Design Club, both of which were also very successful

- Completed my studies till bachelor's degree (2nd lower honours only, but hey, I'm not a good engineering student)

- Went for many job interviews in KL and even Johor, with the result of 4 job offers

- Ended up working in Philips Lighting, which I'm pretty happy with since they are all willing to guide me and there's constant learning on the job, what with all the trainings, new products and travelling to project sites in the various states

I suppose you can say that I've achieved a lot in terms of studies/career and co-curricular activities. Sometimes it kinda makes me feel like I'm old, since it seems to be over so many years. I bet all those more 'mature' ppl are gonna scold me about this though. But besides all these, I've also learned a lot from my personal life. Some of which are as such:

- Met and remained close with 7 other girls, and we are known as the Gathering Gals. Honestly, we have had some great times, some of which we still crack up over and fondly think back on. I miss all of u gals so much..hope we can meet up soon, though I'm not in KL

- Became friends with a whole bunch of different but amazing ppl in uni. They consist of various groups, such as the Gay4, JL.MFV.AC.SS, Mahjong Club, Debaters Club and so on. My 5 years in uni were definitely the best of my life so far, and I think it'll be hard to top that. You guys are all so great, I always enjoy our times together. Though we might not have so much time or opportunity to meet up now, but we always have a great time when we do! MIss u all!

- Got involved with a few different guys over the last few years and went through a lot of things, both good and bad. Fell in love with a great guy...but ended up as best friends. No regrets whatsoever, just wish you all happiness, you guys deserve it.

- Moved to KL to work, and later got a place on my own (shared with my bro and Aileen though). It's not easy coz it can get kinda tiring and lonely as there are just not that many friends in KL as compared to in Kch. But at least I'm doing ok

- Learned how to drive myself around in PJ and certain areas...i can't really drive to KL yet...but give me another year and I'm sure I'll be able to....(will be forced to, one day)

For me, no matter what I go through, whether it's good or bad, I just try to learn something from it. I'm really quite a perfectionist/control freak when it comes to organizing things or planning out my stuff. But I've also realized that things can't always go your way or be under your control. So I've just tried my best to plan for things, and when they don't work out that way, just try to figure out the best solution and work with it. I've also become more open to trying new things, ideas and experiences. Just listen to what ppl have to say, how they think and yea...just be more open to spontaneity. Live life more. Take time to relax, chill out and maybe let loose a little. Be a little crazy/wild, especially when there's a lot of stress, so things can balance out.

Learn to understand myself and my needs/wants. Instead of being so calculative about prices, pamper myself occasionally. I need to love myself more before loving others. Look more on the bright side of things, see the good part of ppl rather than just the bad part. Accept the ppl I care for as who they are totally, even with their faults/mistakes. Don't always judge a person by their looks, they can sometimes surprise you. Don't care too much about the past, or worry about the future. Start living now, coz today is a gift, that's why it's called the Present.

I learned most of the above 'philosphical' stuff from my various experiences, many wise friends/ppl, some of whom are slightly misunderstood. Lol, its surprising that you expect so little from certain ppl, and they end up giving you the most. Anyway, just wanted to share what I was reflecting on this past birthday and what I've learned. Thank you, each and everyone of you, for your contribution to my 23 years of life. I appreciate your friendship, love and all that you have given me in one way or another. Hope we can still remain friends till we're old! Hehe. Thanks again for all the birthday wishes and everything else :)

Turning 23 (Part 1)

Today at around 6.30pm, I turned 23 years old. To me, this can be considered a milestone in my life. You may ask, why the odd number and not 25? Well, 25 is of coz a bigger milestone, but I will treat this as a milestone for a few reasons. Firstly, I am no longer a student, after 20 (?) years of studying, I am now in the first 6 months of working life. At the same time, this is my first birthday away from home and on 'my own' in a sense. I have closed one major chapter of my life and am moving on to a new one. Therefore, it's pretty true to set my 23rd birthday as a significant point in my life.

So I shall take this opportunity to look forward to the next big milestone in my life - turning 25 years old. Wow, that's a quarter of a century! That's a big number, especially for those of us who still remember just turning 18 not too long ago. Lol. Yeah, I guess it is a big number. Anyway, instead of worrying about getting old, I shall take it as a measuring stick for achieving my goals. What do I mean by this? When I turned 21, I was upset with myself for not being who I thought I would be by that age. I used to think that by the age of 21, I would be someone self-assured, accomplished and capable (those from Swinburne, think someone who carries herself like Corina). So I was gloomy for that birthday till someone pointed out that it was unrealistic to measure myself like that. I should just measure myself against what I have accomplished over the years. My consolation now is that by the age of 22 and 3/4 years old, I have more or less become what I wanted to be by 21 years old. So it's only a delay of 1 and 3/4 years, ahah!

Anyway, I shall now set some more measurable goals for myself to achieve or things I want to do by the age of 25. Even though it's good to have goals, I think it's better to set a specific period or date for them since it gives me more motivation to work harder. I estimate that 2 years should be enough time for these. If I can't accomplish all by then, at least I'd have tried my best. That's what's important. I guess I may have been inspired from watching Randy Pausch's "The Last Lecture" on "Achieving Your Childhood Dreams". Though some of these goals might seem easy, they're still goals that some of us may keep putting off and never get around to doing.

Goals to achieve by the age of 25 (in no particular order):
- Promoted to 2 grades higher at work
- Check out the view from the Skybridge of KLCC
- Visit Bangkok/Phuket/Taipei/Bali/Kota Kinabalu/Pulau Tioman
- Visit all states of Malaysia (for work or play)
- Try an 'extreme' sport of some sort: parasailing, rock climbing, bungee jumping, skydiving
- Lose enough weight and exercise to become more fit/healthy
- Upgrade to a better camera (mayb semi-pro!) with more skills gained

Other long-term goals include:
- Take MBA
- Visit the other Disneylands in the world (except Disneyland in California)
- Visit Japan/Hong Kong/Australia/Florida

As you can see, some of the goals do overlap each other. And of coz, when I think of more, I'll add them to the list. Then in the next post, I'll look back on the highlights and significant points of my 23 years on Earth, and how I spent this birthday. But first, thank you to everyone who remembered my birthday and wished me a happy birthday. I felt touched with everyone's msgs, comments, posts etc. Even if some ppl were 'reminded' by certain things. Lol. Thanks anyway :) *hugz n kisses*

Busy Month of Work and FOOD

I JUST had to update today, after all, this day only comes once every 4 years right? Hehe, guess if u always check my blog, u must b surprised at the rate i'm updating this month. It always seems that the more busy I am, the more I blog. Must be how I release stress or something. Or that I just had to blog about how I'm feeling etc. But I'm really backlogged with posts, I have a list of things to blog about and I'm forcing myself to post based on the time sequence instead of jumbling everything up. Call me perfectionist but yea, I think it'll b less confusing for me when i come back and read my old posts.

Anyway, this will just be a quick update on what I've been busy with this whole month so far. It's been pretty hectic, since it's such a short month and then you include CNY into it. So let's see, I went back to Kuching on the 6th till the 10th for CNY which I really enjoyed. It was all that I was expecting and a little bit more. I'll blog on that later. Then went back to work on the 11th :( but most ppl in the office were still on leave, so it was pretty quiet too. There were also fewer cars on the road, guess a lot of ppl in KL basically took longer leave since CNY was close to a weekend. Oh and Valentine's Day here was pretty quiet. I think I saw that only the receptionist received roses. This year, I treated myself to some books and dinner at Chili's. Hehe...which was pretty ok too. Of coz, I did all this on the 15th of Feb, instead of the day itself, so as not to get ripped off by the exorbitant prices. :)

The company organized a CNY lunch with the customers of lighting department on the 18th of Feb, at Oriental Pavilion, Jaya 33. Each table cost about RM1000 and had some pretty good stuff. Shark's fin soup (where u could see actual PIECES of fin), cod fish, yee sang (total of 4 for me this year, hopefully it will pay off!), suckling pig, roast chicken and more. I must say, most of us went back to the office around 3 something feeling rather full and sleepy :P. And that night, there was a testing and commissioning of a project in KL, near Sogo. Basically we had to adjust the angle of the lights to get the required effect on the facade of the building. So I got to learn how the changing of the angles appear in real life, as well as the colour difference of the lamps. We reached the place around 7 something and finished at around 9, which is considered early..a lot of times they tend to finish at around 12 -_-.

I had to go for the Project Dealer's training from the 19th to 20th at Boulevard Hotel, Mid Valley. 1st day was mostly about the lighting products, including the newly acquired LED lights and I admit, I kept falling asleep! This is actually pretty common for me, I tend to feel drowsy during this type of trainings/meetings, unless we have to do some practical work. I must make sure I sleep earlier on the nights before any meetings/trainings. It's not good to continue this!! But the next day, I didn't have any time to sleep as I had to help my supervisor with the training. The project dealers, as well as our own sales engineers were taught how to use the software we use to do lighting calculations. They had to try out some simple examples and the other 3 of us designers were assigned a group to take care of. So yeah, I had to answer their questions and I did feel worried if I was up to it. Luckily, it went pretty ok.

In the afternoon, they were divided into smaller groups to try designing the lighting for a cafe and presenting it to everyone about the concept, lighting fixtures used and calculations. Since I wasn't in a group, I just thought I'd give it a try and see how I would do. I ended up having to present last as my supervisor thought it'll be good to show them what I did, since I'm considered to be more experienced than most of the other participants. After presenting, there was this silence in the room, till my supervisor asked them to ask me questions. To which they asked me to demonstrate how I did cove lighting, explain about the lighting etc. -_-|| Luckily i could answer! But the main thing was that we were very well fed over the 2 days of training. Breakfast and 2 tea breaks were quite ok, but the lunches *phew*. 1st day was buffet lunch where I really did try to eat more veg...and 2nd day was set lunch where there was salmon and lamb!...wow..I think I grew fatter in that week alone.

Main Course of Set Lunch: Salmon & Lamb (L-R)

I think I gained even more in the next week as a few of us were assigned to do a lighting audit at a 5-star hotel in KL for 2 days. 14 of us were divided into groups to audit the different areas, which was pretty interesting. My group got to go to the pastry kitchen where we saw them baking, decorating cookies and cakes, and making chocolate!! Oh the temptation...but we didn't get to try anything though. There was even a sausage making room, ehhe. But we also had to audit the rubbish compacting room :( Overall, I think our group was pretty lucky since we didn't have too hard areas. Other groups ended up with the huge basement car parks. Since my task was to count the lamps according to type, i would have really suffered in the car park, since there are so many! On the 1st day we started late as they were discussing the methods to audit, so I had late breakfast with 2 of the male sales engineers, which was on the senior one (Thx D!). I had a HUGE chocolate croissant, which they doubted I could finish, but I did! Heh.

And not long later, we had lunch...which was buffet! This is considered 1 of the best buffets in KL and it costs about RM100 per pax. OMG...I was like in heaven when I saw the spread. The buffet was divided into different areas by type of food. There was loads of fresh seafood like oysters, mussels, crabs, prawns, sashimi and sushi in the front. Then, there was the Chinese area complete with dimsum, porridge and get this..duck's tongue..EWWW. The Indian/Malay food area, Western roasts area and so on. But the area which I really really went weak for was the dessert area! My eyes literally brightened and I started noting down mentally which desserts I wanted.

Here's my only plate of mains, the meat was too tough tho :P

Though the food was pretty good, I made sure I saved up space for those yummy desserts. There was this counter with a see-thru panel where spoons were stuck through, and these spoons were holding little fruit pastries. I took like 2 of them and I wasn't sure if I had to take the spoon together with the pastries, but I think I did. Hehe. There were lots of yummy-looking cakes and also their own ice-cream, but I stuck with just the choc/fruit/cheese cakes. They also had quite a big selection of their handmade chocolates and even a chocolate pizza...WHOAAA. And finally, I went for the ultimate...the chocolate fountain! After all, it was my 1st time actually dealing with a chocolate fountain on my own. So I chose some fruits and marshmallows to dip under the glistening waterfall (imagine a mini version of the choc waterfall in Charlie & THe Choc Factory). After they were thoroughly covered with melted chocolate, I sprinkled them alternately with chopped nuts, raisins and sprinkles. Surprisingly it wasn't too sweet, but just nice. Later I found out that they use dark chocolate, which is my fave! THat was seriously the best buffet I've ever had, pretty much worth the RM100. I would go just for the desserts ok! So, I think I will go back just for their hi-tea, which I'm sure will have EVEN MORE DESSERTS! Did I make anyone drool yet?

Yummy Chocolates! (taken from sheryl0202.blogspot.com)

Chocolate Fountain! *drool* (taken from sheryl0202.blogspot.com)

The next day, we had lunch at the chinese restaurant there, where they ordered lots of interesting stuff. One of which to note was duck with kiwi instead of the usual orange duck etc. It was slightly sour and tart, when I expected it to be sweet. This went down really well with the guys at my table who ordered another plate. But my fave was the scallops dish! They sort of made nuggets out of whole scallops with eggs, water chestnut (i think) and stir-fried with a sauce. Those scallops were really really sweet and fresh and I had 2. There was a platter of mixed roast pork, a plate of mostly roast chicken skin and so on. I was the only girl at my table and they kinda treated and called me a princess *blush*. I felt so paiseh, coz they always made me take 1st. BUt yeah, I could keep up with their appetites..eheheh. It was an incredibly expensive lunch..2 tables of 14 ppl...the bill came up to over RM1000 -_-. Turns out the scallops dish was one of the more exp ones..eheh..but hey..they ordered it..i just eat ;)

We also had this meeting/training for our new lighting concept on the 28th, where I had to give a presentation about some project examples. My 1st time presenting at the company so I was kinda worried but yea, it turned out ok. And they ordered Domino's Pizza and KFC for lunch! Good grief, talk about fattening me up huh? Well, it was my first time trying Domino's which is pretty good, I think better than Pizza Hut, but not as good as Romeo's at Centrepoint. I think I had like 2 slices of pizza, 2 chicken wing parts and 1 KFC piece, not sure what part it was. The next day, I went with some female colleagues to this restaurant at Bangsar. Our company is organizing a function there in April, so they had to coordinate on the food details while I was there to do measurements of the features we planned to light up with our new products. What they didn't tell me was that they planned to have lunch there 1st. So yes, more fattening up with pasta and worse..they ordered dessert, which was much nicer than the pasta. Warm chocolate cake with a molten center and some pancakes with fruits, ice-cream (strangely, with sweet olives!). It was also my 1st time going around measuring things with a measuring tape and I nearly fell backwards down the stairs while measuring how high they were -_-.

In addition to all this, my brother was in KL from the 19th to the 27th and of coz, we brought him to all the good food places like Pangkor Seafood for our fave lala, Jake's for the steaks, Rakuzen for Japanese and so on. So yes, I think I definitely gained weight and I can feel that my pants have gotten a bit tighter. Even though we did work after eating..but still. Damm..after all that effort to eat healthy and maintain my weight! I was so happy when I found that my pants were looser just b4 CNY.....!! So in March onwards, I must control my food intake!....BUt it will be hard when I have cupboards with my stash of CNY food -_-......Pls don't tempt me too much ok?....Esp with desserts..they're my weakness :P

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

This is kinda a continuation of my previous post on my strange feelings about one of my best friends changing jobs/moving. In the days following that post, I've been thinking a lot about it. And I've come to think that, though we may be in the same city, it doesn't necessarily mean that we are free to meet up too and all tat. Like CY and Hui, they're both still in Kuching, but bcoz they're both busy with work and new colleagues/friends, they rarely meet up too. What more to say the rest of us who are scattered over West Malaysia, or the rest of the world? But of coz, I know that when we do meet up, we're still the same as ever.

I've also started thinking about certain friends and how they seem to treat me. Like u know sometimes, u'd get phone calls from ppl who want something like assignments, projects, books, answers etc? And other times, you don't hear from them at all? That kinda happened to me few days ago. Normally, I'd be more than happy to help out my friends, especially this friend who I've always helped out. But I guess bcoz I was always willing to help out, this friend kinda took it for granted. So there was no 'Please' or 'Thanks', but more of 'commands'. And I felt a bit pissed, but I did tell this friend in the end, to which they kinda joked it off by way of explanation/apology. Somehow, I know this friend is kinda like this, as in tend to 'use' ppl but I also know that we are still friends, just that maybe the tone of their 'command' sms sounds too much like commands.

Thinking it through, I guess this is actually normal for people to 'use' each other. I mean, how often do u call some1 up just to talk about nth at all? There is always a reason to call up ur friend, whether to ask them out, ask for something/help/advice etc. I think a major reason for this is that we're all so busy with our own lives (or it seems so anyway!), that we don't have the time to just call up our friends to chat aimlessly. There is always something we want out of it, not that it's always for materialistic stuff. It can be for support, advice and etc. So yeah, I guess it's normal for this friend to call me up and ask me for help with documents. I've always gotten requests for help with documentation...they say it's due to my English? I should feel honored that there's something for ppl to refer to me....after all, I always feel so lousy in other stuff. Oh, and also event management...lol..

In a way, if someone calls u up for some purpose, there's one good thing. At least they think highly of u in that aspect...and in some cases, at least they're thinking of u! For me, if I don't think highly of them or feel that they're not up to 'standard', I definitely won't even think of calling them for anything. Unless i absolutely have to! And another thing that I kinda came to a conclusion about is....that it doesn't really matter what ppl do to u. The most important thing is how we feel about ourselves. It is up to us what makes us happy and what doesn't. And I think it's really pointless to care about what others say, bcoz u can never please every1. So, I am trying to think in this way. As long as I've done my part as a friend, I won't think too much about how my friend treats me/returns the favour. My conscience will at least be clean. My happiness should not have to depend on any 1 person or people. I should be able to make myself happy first.

But I'm definitely not denying the power of friendship. My caring for friends is kinda what led to me to think about all this stuff. If I didn't care so much about them leaving/moving or the way they treat me, I wouldn't analyse this into detail. You know, ever since I watched Friends, the series...I've always wished that I could have that. One day, live with a bunch of friends and going through the best part of our lives together. But I also realise that it's fairly impossible. People come and go all the time, off to uni/work/married. Old friends drift apart, you meet new ones and so on. And like in the series, they themselves change too. Relationships change over time, from friends, to being a couple...then back to friends. I can honestly say, it is really RARE for a guy and girl to just be friends. Most of the time, feelings will develop, mayb on 1 side, or both, and it can go 4 ways.

1. They don't end up together, but their friendship becomes stronger.
2. They don't end up together, but things bcome weird between them and there goes the friendship.
3. They can be togheter, but if they breakup, things might be weird.
4. They can be together, and after breaking up, they're still good friends.

Trust me, I've been through all 4 of them, lol. But I have a lot of good friends so far, so I'm really glad to have met all of them. There are a few groups of them, like the 1st batch would be the Lodgians (all you Point 3's!) and of coz the Gathering Gals! Then, we have G4 (stands for Gay 4, ahah!) from Swinburne....I am the only girl, so yea, I think that's where the whole Princess thing came about. But they rarely treat me like a Princess....they bully me! And of coz, I've learnt to bully them back. Then there's JAMS, where MIchael is the only guy and was our brother. Last but not least, it's the Mahjong/Monopoly/clubbing kakis! Though I only got to know them better for the last 1 year, they were the ones that I really wished to have the FRIENDS experience with.

Part of the Gathering Gals and Point 3 ppl :)

The incomplete G4: Chiet, me, Yi Chan, Stephen (Thong Wei's missing)

JAMS: Jenny, Mike, me and Serena

Mahjong/Monopoly/clubbing kakis: CY, Henry and Siaw Hui

Though I know that most likely, i will not be able to have the FRIENDS thing with any of these groups, because we're all in different places/jobs/situations....I still adore and miss all of you. Though we may drift apart, and stop keeping in touch so frequently (this ALWAYS happens...coz we're busy/lazy/forgetful etc)...I know that when we do keep in touch, or meet up...we will still have that camaderie, all the crazy teasings and fun/silly stuff we always get up to.

So yes, I am feeling better about myself, and the position I'm in. I can now say, I'm proud of my friends, what they've achieved. And I wish everyone the very best in their future undertakings. You'll always have a supporter in me. I do hope you guys feel the same way about me too :) But if you don't, that's ok. I'll still support myself! After all, its better to love someone without any expectations of them loving you back....it's the most painful, but sincerest type of love. Hmm..somehow this isn't coming out the way I'm thinking. Must b too tired....hehe..Muakz

This Strange Feeling

I'm feeling kinda weird now. I just got an sms from 1 of my best friends...that they finally got their dream job. Normally, I'd be very happy to hear of a friend's success/happy event but this time.....Like just the other day, I received VERY BIG news from 2 of my friends about something happy. And I got all excited for them, maybe even more excited than they were. I was just so happy then. But now maybe, it's bcoz it's been so set in my mind that they're already settled in this particular job, this location, that things won't change already. Like, it's confirmed in my mind that these friends are in Kuching, these friends are in KL, and these others are in other parts of Malaysia and the world. Or maybe it's bcoz it's one of my closer friends who I just got to know much better in the past year and I really care a lot about every 1 of them. That they're getting further and further from me. At first, it wasn't that far away, but now it seems that the distance has grown even more. Physical distance of course, emotional distance is still ok. We're all still in touch and talking on the phone/MSN..

I think I'm kinda in shock now. There I was, just checking my company email then I hear this familiar ringtone (I set specific ringtones for each of my closest friends), which I havent heard in awhile. Reading their SMS..i could feel my mood drastically change from quietly contented but tired to quietly contemplative and slightly sad. I actually can feel my heart sinking and my brain getting muddled as I'm trying to sort out my feelings here. Maybe I'm not as adaptive to change as I thought I was. Coz this change kinda affects me in a sense. Our original plans were that we could meet up for holidays every once in awhile, you know 'Cuti-Cuti Malaysia' and all that. But with this move, there would be one kaki short. It may not seem like a big deal, but for us, each of us contributes a different factor to the whole group. And if one is missing, it's different. Some of these friends are more influential than others too, as in the amount of craziness/fun/ideas/capability they contribute.

I know, I really should be happy for them. But it's kinda hard now. I'm gonna miss them. After my trip back to Kch for CNY, I felt really happy to have been able to meet up with everyone. I could feel myself smiling widely everyday while in Kuching, bcoz you guys just made my day. But once I went into the airport, I was like..oh crap, I'm gonna leave again. KL has lots of things to do, but I enjoy spending time with my friends more. Even if we just sit around watching tv together, or chatting about nth in particular, that's more fun to me. And it means a lot more. I guess the bad part about going back, is that once I got back to KL, I missed everyone even more. It seems like such a long time till April. And I wonder when I would be able to see some of you, especially the ones not in Kuching, since it's not like CNY where we all come back. Now I really want that year-end trip even more. Even if it's 9 mths away, at least if it's confirmed, it's something for me to look forward to. Quality time with quality ppl.

I miss you guys. And I'll miss you till I see you. But I'll miss you even more after I see you. Haiz.

Anyway, Happy Chap Goh Mei!

Working & Life in KL

That's right, you read correctly. I am currently working and living in KL. But I'm kind of getting ahead of myself. The whole story actually started directly after my final exam in Swinburne, Advanced Digital Signal Processing, which was on the 29th of November 2007. Hmm, I remember the date so clearly, probably bcoz it was really a significant day in my life, since it would most likely be the final exam in my school life! Plus for personal reasons too.

I came out from the exam hall to find out that I'd received several phone calls from an unknown KL number. I figured it was from one of the many companies that I'd applied to. I actually started applying for jobs 1 or 2 weeks earlier and there were quite a few, so I had no idea which company it was. I called back to find that it was Sony! They were asking me to go for an interview for either the post of Design Engineer or Engineer under the Management Trainee Program on the following Wednesday, to which I said I had to confirm since I needed to fly there. So finally I did go and there were 5 other ppl to be interviewed. But first we had to take 3 tests which I initially worried about till I called up to ask. The first was an IQ test which sad to say, I only managed to answer 15 out of 25 in the given 20 minutes. Luckily I finished both the Maths and English tests.

After lunch, I went for the interview with another guy, where there were 3 interviewers, 2 of whom were Japanese guys and a local lady. Halfway through the interview, we were given a C programming test with 2 questions. 1st was to write the result of the program and 2nd to correct the coding. I ended up correcting and changing almost the whole code and I still have no idea whether it worked! So i pretty much thought I'd screwed things up for my very 1st job interview. I did ok for the rest of the interview I think, but heck since the Design Engineer post was purely programming, I thought sure no chance. So after the interview, I took a taxi to KLCC to walk around while waiting for my uncle to get off from work so he could send me to LCCT for my flight home. Who knows, I received a phone call from Sony then, asking me to come back next Tuesday for a 2nd job interview. What the heck, another trip! By then I was considering whether I should go back for the interview, since it would mean another plane trip and did I really want a programming job?

Tuesday rolled around to find me in KL once again and taking a taxi to Sony in Bangi, which is about 45 mins away from Taman Tun Dr. Ismail (near 1 Utama) where my uncle stays. BUt this 2nd interview was pretty much a waste of my time! It was still the same 2 Japanese guys and they pretty much repeated the same questions for me n the previous guy from the 1st interview. I was like, I spent RM500+ to fly here and get asked the same questions? I should have just turned the job down. But heck, at that time, I didn't have any other offers though my parents kept telling me there was no need to rush n I should b patient. And it was Sony, a big multi-national company. But still, I was hesitant to accept because it was so far away, and it was programming!

Anyway, this turned out to be only the 1st of quite a few offers. After that, I got an interview with GES in Johor. Initially it was supposed to b directly after the Sony 2nd interview but it was just too rushed. So I flew from Kuching to Johor on the 16th of Dec just for the interview on the 17th for the post of Project Engineer. The guy brought me around the factory where they make point-of-sale computers and told me what I had to do. Basically I would be making sure the process line is going smoothly, that the product is ok from start to end, which means that it's more of a project management type of job which I liked. And after the interview, I was supposed to meet the big boss but since he was in a meeting, the interviewer just showed him my resume and explained about it. Well...I got the job. I guess partly coz he did ask if I had any other offers and I told him about Sony. However, the problem with this job was that it's in Johor and my family doesn't think it's too safe for me. Besides that, the pay was lower than that of Sony, though I would enjoy the job better.

After a long delay at Johor Airport where I reached Kuching at around 1am, I still couldn't relax. I flew back to KL on the evening of the 18th of Dec for yet another round of job interviews! I guess I shouldn't have been worried so fast then. I had a session for Maxis Graduate Trainee Program on the 19th, an interview for Solutions Manager post with Alcatel on the 21st (though it was a public holiday!) and another with Industronics on the 26th.

Up till now, the Maxis job was the best in terms of benefits and pay. After including allowances and etc, you could get up to RM4k++, and they expect u to be a manager after 5 yrs! Anyway, the session was a whole day. In the morning, we had written tests, starting with IQ, English comprehension, and something like maths/english. We also had to write a short essay on 'Where/how I see myself in 10 years?'. The afternoon session was group dynamics where we were given this Tinker Toys 'sculpture' and 1 of us could observe it for 1 minute b4 returning to the team to describe to them how to build it. I ended up going to observe it the most since they said I could remember the most. :P for once I can remember stuff huh? But I guess I may have come across a bit too arrogant and strong/stubborn as I didn't make it through, and some others who I thought were pretty good but not as 'outspoken' as me got through the 2nd round. Anyway, all of them had better results and came from more famous unis than I did. I only got into the 1st round due to my uncle's connections :P. But yea, a lot of them thought I got through. Ouch, adding salt to my wound unintentionally, coz I really wanted this job, which was 1 year training first.

The next job interview was then with Alcatel-Lucent for the post of Solutions Manager. Sounds fancy huh? Well..the successful candidates would end up working in Melbourne for at least 2 yrs! It was a public holiday but I still went for the interview, coz it should seem that I'm keen enough on the job ;) They were pretty impressed by my FYP (thanks guys!) and they said the only problem they could see with me was my lack of work experience. But hey, they never stated the minimum experience in their job advertisement so I just tried my luck. Henry said I was so daring when he saw the advert and the job title. Lol but who knew that they would actually call me? I was also keen on the job coz it would be in Melbourne (good opportunity) and the post itself. I'm pretty sure the pay would have been pretty good.

Because of the last job interview on the 26th, I had to stay back in KL for Christmas. Luckily I'd only booked a one-way ticket initially since I was worried that there would be calls for 2nd interviews and etc. Unfortunately, the uncle I usually stay with was going for a family trip to Perth for Christmas. So I moved to yet another uncle's house, but this time in Shah Alam. It was a pretty quiet Christmas but I did catch up on a lot of Archie comics which was pretty ok too. HOwever, the Industronics interview for the post of Project Engineer was pretty much a waste of my time. The interview only lasted like 20 minutes and the guy didn't seem very friendly/interested. Needless to say I felt pretty disappointed after the interview for several reasons. Firstly, I HATE failing at things and I kinda felt that I didn't really impress the guy though I tried my best. Mayb it was just how he looked. Anyway, secondly, I was pretty upset that I missed spending Christmas in Kuching for such a crappy interview. But what the heck, it was a good experience also la.

And so, it was back to Kuching for a well deserved break. After all, I'd been flying all over the place for pretty much the whole month after final exams and didn't really have a holiday. Sure, you can say that I went shopping in KL and had some fun with Siaw Hui and Chyi Yeou. But seriously, all that travelling, interviews and tests were pretty tiring. Now the issue was, whether or not to accept the Sony job. It was much easier to turn down the Johor job just because of the location and the pay. Plus the fact that they wanted to bond me for 2 yrs. I talked it over with many ppl and there were pretty much 2 opinions. 1st, wait for a job that I really really want and would enjoy. After all, I'd only been 'jobless' for less than a month. 2nd opinion, just take it, don't need to be so picky about ur 1st job! And these opinions were from ppl whose advice I really valued and I myself was pretty stuck in between for awhile. I felt really frustrated at this point but in the end, I just thought, fine I'd take it up since probation is only 3 mths and at least I can use that to finish my IBT to graduate from Swinburne.

There I was, packing and mentally prepared to go work in KL for Sony (which would start on the 4th of Jan) when I received 2 more phone calls. One was from Megasteel in Banting, Selangor for an interview for the post of Project Executive on the 2nd of Jan, and one from PHilips in Petaling Jaya for the post of Lighting APplications Engineer on the 3rd of Jan. Talk about cutting it close. In the end, I decided to only fly to KL on the 2nd of Jan, thus turning down the Megasteel job as it was in Banting. I was already having issues with working for Sony in Bangi (which is almost the same area), what more to say a smaller company in Banting. I just thought, ok, I'll go for the Philips interview and see how it goes since Sony only requires 1 week's notice.

That interview in my mind, kinda started off badly. Firstly, I got into a self-car accident on the 2nd of Jan, just few hours before I flew off from KL. So yes, I left a final big impact on Kuching before leaving. Lol. Then on the way to the interview on the 3rd, I had a tummyache, causing me to rush to the toilet upon entering the building. Got to the PHilips office slightly late which made me even more nervous as I'd NEVER been late for interviews. Luckily they weren't ready for me yet so still ok. For once, it was 2 ladies interviewing me and yeah, I really wanted to my best for this job, since it was based in Petaling Jaya which would be so much more convenient for me. Plus, it wasn't a programming job and it was a multi-national company too! I did mention about the Sony offer and they asked how much I was offered. I shouldn't have been so honest looking back :P

After the interview, I went home to change b4 heading off to 1 Utama to pick up some toiletries that I couldn't bring to KL due to lack of space. I was already 6kg over the baggage limit! And later that afternoon, I got a call from Philips. They were offering me the job!! Simply because they thought I was suitable and they didn't want the hassle of taking me away from Sony after starting work there. They were offering me the same pay with some other benefits but yeah, I was just happy to be able to work closer to where I was staying and not having a long commute everyday that I didn't really mind the same pay. Lol. Boy, did my whole family breathe a huge sigh of relief after I told them. HOwever, I kind of had to lie to Sony about starting later since I hadn't seen the official offer letter. After that I emailed them saying that I couldn't accept for personal reasons. This was the 2nd rejection email taht I had to do, and I guess I've been blacklisted by both GES and Sony. Lol.

In my 1st week at Philips, I actually received another call for an interview with Terradyne for the position of Customer Production Support Engineer (what a mouthful!) but I straightaway told the guy that I just got a job. He was really nice and congratulated me on it too. Lol! But yeah I supposed I was pretty lucky, getting a job so fast, receiving many job offers/interviews and mostly from the bigger companies. On the other hand, I did apply to many companies and didn't receive any responses either. So my success rate was pretty much at most, 20%. OUt of the 50+ companies, I had 9 companies who were interested. I went for interviews with 6 of the companies, as I didn't go for Megasteel, got rejected by Taiyo Yuden due to not being a graduate yet, and turned down Terradyne. If you want to compare me to Henry, who was jobless for 1 whole semester, in a way, I may seem more successful. He had more time so he applied to even more companies that I did, and I think he went for more interviews. He even had all-expenses paid trips just to go interview. I think he had about the same number of job offers too. But yea, if u consider the time factor, we're both pretty lucky. And even luckier is Mike, coz he landed the job on his one and only job that he applied for. I guess it was mostly because the company was especially interested in Swinburne grads through Dr. Dennis. I know a lot of my classmates are complaining about the lack of offers in Kuching, but tat's the whole point. Kuching is pretty small, so there are limited options. Which is why we took the chance and applied out of Kuching.

A big part of me just wanted to leave all the stress and issues in Kuching, and finish my studies ASAP. Now looking back, I do miss the times I had in Kuching, with my friends and family. And part of me regrets getting a job so fast coz I'll be working for most of my life, I should have taken 3 months off or something! But I know I would have gotten bored and worried about getting a job during the months off too. Anyway, in case you're wondering what a Lighting Applications Engineer does, here's the info from the job advert itself:

- Responsible to prepare lighting design solutions that comply with local/international standards and incorporate them into Powerpoint/CAD drawings/Perspective View etc
-Support sales team in presentations on technical aspects of lighting
- Requirements:
1. Degree in Electrical/Electronic with minimum 2 years relevant experience
2. Good knowledge and skills in AutoCAD, Photoshop and other lighting software

Hahha..sad to say, I don really have such good skills with those software and no 2 years relevant experience. But hey, I guess they saw that I was willing to learn. And yes, I'm learning a lot and I'm pretty happy with the job. I mean, I wasn't that good an engineering student back in uni so I'm glad that it's kinda a fresh start for me. The company's giving a lot of opportunities for me to learn with all the training etc. My supervisor who interviewed me, is also very supportive and letting me try new things. Anyway, what I mostly do is that we're given plans of rooms/buildings/structures to light up. We would then put in the lights (either suggested by the client or ourselves) and calculate the lighting level and uniformity. The lighting level and uniformity need to be of certain values so tat the environment is safe and comfortable for users u see.

I started doing lighting designs at the end of my 1st week and until now I'm still learning. Sometimes it's challenging and a bit like programming when one single point is giving you problems and you need to play aroudn with the factors just to fix it. And I guess I joined at the correct time since the company is going through some positive changes and there are lots of trainings scheduled over the next few months for us. Currently there are only 3 of us doing the designing so sometimes work tends to pile up, which is why I usually try to get my stuff done ASAP. Everyone is pretty nice and they're all treating me well. There's also a fair bit of travelling. In my 1st month alone, I got to go to Johor to observe the intra quality competition and Ipoh for a hockey stadium project. In Johor, we stayed at Pulai Springs Resort, where all I had to do was watch them present their ideas, eat all the meals (ppl said I eat a lot, which isn't really true!), laze around, go for the massage arranged by the company, jacuzzi (1st time for jacuzzi and massage!). One of the highlights was the final lunch at Qing Palace Restaurant, the in-house Chinese restaurant. It's been voted one of Malaysia's Best Restaurants for the past 8 years, and the food was definitely some of the best I've eaten.

The facade of the hotel we stayed in

One of the 3 pools they have, pretty nice

With Ally and Huey Huey

But one bad thing about working in KL is that the air is pretty bad and I could see all my pimples coming out. There's also the transportation issue, coz though my uncle drops me off in the morning, getting back home is an issue. I take the LRT from the Asia Jaya station just outside my office building to Kelana Jaya station where I usually have to wait from 15-45 mins for the U89 bus. The bus stops at 1 Utama where I then have to wait for the U82 bus back to the condo. BUt most times, walking would definitely be much faster! 15-20 mins on foot, compared to the usually 30-45min wait for the bus. Another thing I feel is that time passes by really really quickly! Because of all the projects, its kinda like I don't have enuff time at work to complete it all. Though my working hours are from 7.45am-4.30pm, I usually leave around 5.30pm. Then travelling time takes up almost 2 hrs, bathe, dinner etc, I'll only be free around 9pm. But ever since we all started working, we usually sleep around 11-12 every night. Last time we used to sleep after 12 and still feel ok the next day. Now, tat's pretty impossible. My God, we're getting old.

Another issue is that I don't really have any friends in KL! Currently my kaki is Burger, and that's usually on the weekends occasionally. I kinda feel that its hard to make friends outside of work. So currently I feel a bit lonely at times, compared to CY and Henry who have lots of friends in their process line. Yea, ppl at work are pretty friendly but it's not like you can ask them out for activities outside of work. Most of them already have families, etc. And yea, I'd like to find friends outside of work, but no real opportunities. I was thinking of looking to join a bowling club or book/reading or movie club, but there doesn't seem to be any such club for ppl my age. But heck, for now I feel like this probably bcoz work is still ok. Looking at my calender for the next few mths, I'm feeling bit worried though. There's lots of activities/trips planned till April and I even have my 1st assignment to complete by the 1st of April! So yea, perhaps its better to wait till May and see how things go.

Other than that, I'm slowly settling into the KL work and social life thing. THere seems to be something to do/going on every week for the company and each weekend, there's usually some program going on at 1 Utama, friend in town and etc. So yea, can't complain too much. After all, there's much more to do in KL than in KUching too. Obviously, you can never run away from shopping. Despite my control, I usually end up buying something, but after much consideration of coz! The main thing is, I miss my family, friends and the fatty bum bum cat! hahaha..but absence makes the heart grow fonder...and I miss u all so very much! Hugs and Kisses!

The Fatty Bum Bum doing his Puss-in-Boots look, acting all innocent(when he's not!) & cute