Multiple Birthday Parties!

This year's birthday was celebrated multiple times...as usual? Haha. Started off with a dinner with classmates and lecturers at Fullhouse, The Hills. It was originally a dinner to thank our lecturers for all their help after our exams. There's another classmate who shares the exact birthday, down to the year, with me so they got us a cake. My gay classmate also baked us a cake....wow. First time someone has actually baked a cake for me....

Then I had a birthday party at home with close friends...a lot of people didn't make it as they were away or had prior engagements already, but it's ok. I'm kind of past that stage where I actually care how many ppl turn up. Of course, it's best when more friends can join the celebration, but can't help it at times. It was rather stressful for the family as everyone had their own jobs to do for the dinner. I was mainly in charge of the groceries, picking up of the food and cake ordered from Mr. Ho's and just general coordinating. My father contributed a dish of crabs that he bought from Sematan. My mum was in charge of the tuna bake pasta and green salad. Brother was the head chef who dealt with the aglio olio pasta and potato salad. Grandma baked chicken too. I rank the lowest in the kitchen and was relegated to menial tasks such as slicing, prepping and etc. From Mr. Ho's, we had roast pork knuckle (which wasn't fresh and refunded), crispy pork and a moist chocolate cake (which they got from a 3rd party baker). 

Besides the usual food and chatting, when it came to time for the birthday cake, my brother made me drink a shot of Patron tequila to start off the night :P. Interestingly, my father's friend who joined us, has learned a little bartending and is interested in wines and alcohol. He showed us a few tricks and tips for bartending and mixed up a few tequila based drinks. So I kind of had imported entertainment from Johor. Haha!

First shot of the birthday

After a quick change, it was off to Backstage with the brother and Alyssa, his girlfriend in tow. Allan had organized a birthday party for me...and it was mostly just the guys this time. Seriously a year of firsts, as this is the first time someone had organized a birthday party for me...very touched. The big brothers were all there, and we had tequila and played drinking games. There was no cake but there were cake slices from Hilton :) And I even had a stripper! Haha..sort of. The guys pointed out the most buff guy among them and told them he had to take off his shirt for me and he did! Seriously good body with six-pack and buff arms....way way better than the Singapore stripper we saw in SG for Sun's hen's night. Haha and that was just the upper body!

A very loud birthday song...thanks guys... see I was so happy!

My brother was sadly the main culprit in getting me drunk though. He kept bringing over assorted drinks and insisting I drink. Then after getting tipsy, I made a request for 'Bring the cute guys over!!' And so Alyssa brought over some guys and they made me drink more. So I definitely got drunk but thankfully Alyssa took very good care of me. Aaron and Alyssa brought me home and got me into the house but I don't know how I got myself up to my room... where I promptly passed out on my bed till the next morning...still with my dress, make-up, contacts and eyelashes. Haha...terrible. 

I woke up feeling pretty horrible with a queasy stomach...basically your birthday hangover. It kinda feels worse when you remember that you have yet another birthday party that night. Managed to recover in time for another birthday dinner, this time with the whole family, plus Dad's friend from the previous night and my uncle and auntie who had come in that day to visit my Grandpa. Seems to be tradition that I have Peking duck for my birthday...I just like the skin. *sinful* 

Then rushed home and off to Backstage again where this time we had the whole gang. Plus brother and Alyssa who joined late. I told them all that I could only manage 1 birthday drink instead of the usual 2....as I was still feeling weird from the night before. So I chose the 3 birthday shots as I didn't have to drink it at a go. Technically, I should...but I just didn't want to. So they ordered me the shots and I paced them with a 15-20 minute gap. Of course, I ordered a bottle of tequila and when Allan arrived later...he brought along a bottle of Patron. That made a total of 2 bottles of tequila but when we were all fairly drunk, some of them decided to keep the half bottle of tequila I ordered with the bar instead of letting us drink more. Plus, Allan was evil/kind enough to order a Flaming Lamborghini for me just after midnight. I admit to wanting to throw up straightaway and rushed to the toilet. After which, I felt more sober and normal. CY and the others got me a fruit tart from Hilton...which coincidentally was the one she got me for last year's birthday...haha Hilton does fruit tart promo in June every year? 

 With CY and Christy..thanks for the present and cake!

 Big brothers Julius and Chiang

Birthday shots - B52, Tequila and Slippery Nipple (ugh..the worst one) :P

With Aaron and Alyssa.. for getting me drunk and taking care of me..LOL

 Allan.. thanks for the birthday party and er..getting me drunk 

 My fruit tart that they got...plus a cake-holder..ahha

 Feeding brother...hey..shouldn't I be the 1 getting fed? It's my birthday! Bring me a cute guy to feed me

Proof that I drank the Flaming Lamborghini

Overall, fairly tiring weekend of birthdays, but I seriously had a lot of fun with everyone. And touched with all their efforts with the presents, parties and wishes. Felt very loved by all :) So thanks to everyone.. 

With this birthday...I feel that I've become a little more accepting of who I am. That I am still work in progress and there is still room to improve. There is so much more for me to learn in this world and that I seem to be a lot happier with my life. There's of course my new masters course and career that I'm just starting but am enjoying a lot. But generally I feel that I am happier with my life. Of course, it could be better, but I am still thankful for all that I have and what/who surrounds me. Though I am not as young as before, I feel more confident in myself and my looks and body. Haha....it helps when you have friends who are equally generous with their brutal honesty and appreciation of you. I've also learned a lot from my friends, both new and old ...especially about life. I think I've become even more open-minded, patient and relaxed? I rather prefer just enjoying the simple things in life... than to get overly stressed out over minor things. I just want to have fun...haha. So here's to growing older gracefully ...learning more and....staying young at heart. *big hugs to all!*

Footie Weekend

So it's been a week since I fell sick and well...I am slightly better, but the cough and blocked nose is still there. Plus with all the phlegm, I feel like I'm about to hack up furballs all the time. On Saturday morning, it all culminated in me almost losing my voice. I taught both classes on Saturday with a voice that couldn't make it through 3 words without croaking or breaking. Of course, it greatly amused the students. Some were quite concerned, especially the morning class, and kept telling me to drink water, or to go home and buy lemons to go with honey. My little rubbish collector said 'Teacher, you go back and buy lemons then you put honey ok?' I said I do that every day already. 'But Teacher, no ice wor!' I laughed n said I'm using hot water and he went 'Then??!' I said it doesn't seem to be helping. 

The assistant principal gave me some chinese medicine and it helped for a bit before it all went downhill again in the afternoon class. The afternoon students weren't quite as caring tho, they were quite enthusiastic for me to lose the voice completely. And took advantage by showing attitude again. I told them off, that either they can choose for me to save my voice and I would shut up, so they could just do the work without my explanations or they could shut up and let me explain. If I was willing to sacrifice my voice for them to do well, they jolly well better pay attention. So of course they shut up, for a bit.

After all that, went home to dinner and then crashed for 2 hours. Woke up feeling slightly better and continued to do marking till almost 3am when the guys told me they were at 3rd Mile Siang Siang watching the match. By then, I was kinda distracted and in need of de-stressing so I did go over and watch, despite having only a total of 4 hours of sleep in the last 24 hours. And good grief, the match went into overtime and penalties, so by the time I got home, it was almost 6am. -_-|| So that was the latest that I went out...and the 'earliest' I came home. And all without alcohol.

It was pretty fun though, listening to their commentaries and snarky comments. And it's definitely different, watching with a big crowd, than watching by yourself at home. Though yes, we have Astro HD and air-conditioning and a comfy sofa at home. Though I admit, there were some of us who were falling asleep in extra-time. I was one of them, but hey, since I had the least sleep, I'm excused. But things were of course more exciting in the penalties. Haha. 

Later that day, Julius also texted me 'Come see Cech play later...' since Chelsea won the Champion's League...he would be dressed in Peter Cech's full kit. I agreed to go at 5pm, since it was the last few times they would be playing futsal there. After all, I'd been promising for so long too. Of course, i had to Google Maps the place first before going. So I finally got to watch the Drink Team play, but I was only there to watch the keeper, striker and defender. Haha.And it was quite interesting to watch them play. THough I wish that some of them could 'perform' at full level, but I guess we were all running at limited battery coz of the late night. There were a few moments where I got worried coz I was the only person sitting there and the ball was coming in my direction. But in all, a good experience. Some were worried that I got bored watching them, but I was actually paying attention to wherever the ball went. So it was all good. And yes, that was a footie packed 24 hours.

Spot my favourite keeper, striker and defender! Haha.

Will Anyone?

After doing so much for others...running around organizing things for them...making them happy.... when it's my turn, will anyone bother to even remember? Will they actually do something, or just leave it up to me, the person who can handle it all? Will I be forced to have to plan something for myself..as I usually do?

Perhaps I should do a little experiment. For a change, I shouldn't plan anything, and see if anything happens. I guess that will tell me where I stand with the people in my life right? After all, not quite in the mood to be doing anything....plus...it's usually tricky to organize. Ah well....we'll see when it comes.

True Love?

Never ever think that you're not good enough for someone else. If you get told that, tell them to go screw themselves. Coz baby, you're worth it..and more! You should always think that you're an awesome person. Coz in your own way, you are. Everyone of us should love ourselves more before loving someone else. How can you expect someone to love you if you don't even love yourself?

Don't say that you can't match up to someone because of what qualification/monetary status they might have. If you really think about it..isn't it just paper? In the end, when you leave this world, can you bring those with you?  What is more important, is your personality, the actions you do and how you spent your time on this earth. That's what people will remember about you. In every relationship of any sort, whether it is a friendship, girl-boy relationship, teacher-student.... it is both parties who will bring something to the table. It is never a one-way street. Even if people say that the students just takes knowledge from the teacher...that is so not true after just 3 months of teaching. You can learn quite a lot from your students...maybe not book knowledge, but how you see things or react to situations. Sometimes their honesty and varying point of views make you open your eyes to new possibilities of doing things or situations. 

So, you should always remember that even though it might seem like you're not up to someone's standards, even tho they have never said anything about it....you have your own unique experience/knowledge and contribution to be shared with them....everyone is special...no 2 people are exactly alike, so why can't you appreciate your own colour? 

I think people fall into the trap of treating any relationship as a trade and barter thing. If you get something from someone, you need to give them something in return. That's not how a relationship or love works. Real love is when you give something to them without expecting anything in return. You're doing something because you love them, not because you want something in return. Plus, if you're doing/giving something... don't judge the value based on monetary worth or size or scale.... it's not about how much it costs.... but more of your feelings. It could be a really cheap handmade gift that you spent a lot of time making...but I'm sure your loved one will appreciate it way more than an expensive gift that you spent 5 minutes picking out. Super cliched but it really is the thought and effort that matters more to someone. 

For example, if you asked me to choose between an expensive 3-star Michelin dinner and a personally cooked meal from the guy I like....of course I'm picking the expensive dinner. Joking!.. I'd definitely pick the home cooked meal. You can always earn back the money you've spent...but you can never get back the time spent on something....

The whole point of being with someone...is because you love and accept them. Not because they are clever, rich, successful, handsome, funny.....those are good criteria a person can have. But you should love someone because you accept them completely for who they are... both their strengths and weaknesses. There shouldn't be a reason for loving someone. You just love them, plain and simple.That means, if you appear in front of them with your hair in a mess, no make-up and slouchy clothes...and they still want to spend time with you...that's real acceptance. It's not real if you expect to keep up your perfect facade in front of them all the time, and hide your 'flaws'. Everyone has flaws....so we should just learn to accept them. If they really love you, they can accept it..why can't you do the same, right? I think most of the people in my life have probably seen me in super 'i don't care about appearance' mode...and haven't really batted an eye. If they did, I'd know that they aren't real friends....haha. 

Hmm..my recent posts are starting to make me feel like some self-help guru wannabe...ahaha. I don't know... in my busiest moments..i get struck by these random thoughts and decided to write them here. Partly for my own future reference..and also to express my opinions ..since i hear a lot of these things from surrounding people.

Labels

Labels. What am I going on about today? You know how people tend to 'label' their relationships with others after a certain stage? You know, like....acquaintances, friends, best friends, BFFs, girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, friends with benefits, mistress, rival, enemy, and so on....

I think the moment you label your relationship, it starts getting messy and potentially primed for problems. Once you assign a label to the relationship, you start having expectations from it. But the other party may not respond the way you want..or feel the same way. Hence, the beginning of issues! It's like once you have expectations, you start to think, oh, they should treat you this way, or 'give' something to you. It should be a give and take thing..it does take 2 to be in a 'relationship' of any sort.

But yet, I kind of understand why we do label our relationships. We have this tendency to want to classify the things in our life. Pay attention to the things/people we value more, and kinda ignore the rest, since we're all fighting against time. So those people with the 'higher' labels would of course have more of our time. It's somewhat of a security thing as well. We want the label so that we are clear about what is going on between the 2 people. For example, the girl would normally ask, "So, are we boyfriend n girlfriend now?" She asks this because she wants to be reassured that she is the only girl the guy is seeing, or else she'd be thinking that the guy is playing with her or just wasting her time and invested efforts/emotions. But this usually results in 2 situations...either the guy sees her as a girlfriend...or not. Very loaded question with lots of potential of heartbreak.

Some people tend to ask, so who is so and so to you? Why do you treat them that way, why do you hang out/why don't you hang out with them? Why don't you work out what is going on between you guys? They find it confusing that I don't always have a label for all my friends. I think after many previous incidents, I've felt that it is usually easier and less messy to not label every single relationship. Of course, it's easy to label the clear-cut ones...like 'i don't like that girl, so she's not my friend'. But other friendships that don't necessarily fall under any specific category, why bother to crack my head over how to label them? I'd rather just enjoy the relationship/companionship as it is. No need to go and ask, "Hey, so what is our relationship? Friends? Besties? Best Friends Forever? Sisters from another mother?"

I think it's more important to look at the big picture than to worry about minor details like that. Like I said, life is short. For all we know, it could really be the end of the world this yr, and we're stressing ourselves over minor details like how do I refer to this person in my life. They have a name, so we just need to say, this is 'Top, my friend,' or that's 'Jessica, the girl I really can't stand.' (Using Kpop stars as examples here..haha!) Easier to just use the basic labels, that they are your friend/not your friend.

Life is already hard and complicated enough without having all these labels...we should just enjoy what we have and take it a day at a time. Just let things happen as they come...get to know the person well..accept them for who they are and how they help you grow as a person. Can't always look at people and think, so what can I get from them today? What benefits do I get from being their friend/girlfriend/bestie etc? Whatever benefits may come your way as a result, should be a BONUS, not the main reason of the relationship. I sometimes feel that I am so pampered by my friends, that I worry how I can repay them...I don't take care of them enough?

But once again, I don't expect everyone to agree with me. I may just be weird this way. *shrugs* Read this if you wanna know more

http://www.howtogetoverarelationship.com/relationship-advice/

Quarter Century Mark

I know that it's been ages since I last updated, as usual! I guess it's because of Twitter, where its convenient and quick, but of course limited to 140 characters :P. Anyway, as per my custom, I have to update on my birthday. Somehow, this year I didn't really have the mood to celebrate it, unlike previous years. Mayb it's age catching up, or probably because I dont feel like I have many ppl around, compared to in Kuching?

However, I am still grateful to my family, friends, colleagues and ex-colleagues who made the effort to help me celebrate. It started with Aileen, Kwang Houg and Michelle who asked me out to dinner the weekend before. I didn't think they would do a celebration, since I didn't mention my birthday, but they remembered. There were 2 cakes, since they forgot to tell the other that they bought me a cake. Luckily Aileen had bought 4 mini cakes (sized for 1 person type) instead of a regular sized one. My uncle, auntie and cousin Sam had all gotten me presents/angpow and also a large Boston cheesecake. So that made 3 cakes in the fridge...luckily my brother and my dad were around to help finish them off. My colleagues also treated me to my favourite Korean food at Kimchi-Haru, though it wasn't Korean bbq, but it was still yummy Korean kimchi pork :).



From Aileen, Kwang Houg and Michelle

 

Presents and angpow from Uncle, Auntie and Sam

My dad happened to be in town for my birthday, so we went to Sid's (my choice) for dinner. It was pretty expensive, and I think the food was just so-so that night :P. The next weekend, my uncle brought us to Shook! at StarHill Gallery in KL for my birthday as well as their anniversary. Looking at the prices on the menu was pretty scary. Almost every main course was above RM50! Had to choose carefully to pick something more reasonably price and hopefully a large enough serving. You know how fancy food comes in tiny sizes but with exorbitant prices! My ex-colleagues also gathered for a lunch on a weekend after my birthday at Kissaten for Japanese fusion food. They got cupcakes from Wondermilk+ instead of cakes, which was a good thing, since I'd just cleared all the cakes out of the fridge. Haha! So even though I wanted it to be low-key or quiet this year, I still had quite a few celebrations, but nothing too fancy. Thank you guys!

With Kenny, Danny and Yoke Mun

As with every birthday, I take the opportunity to reflect upon how I might have changed or grown compared to the previous year. The thing that still remains is that I still prefer bad boys. Haha! Well, not quite like previous years where I just liked them rebellious. Nowadays, I mean the guys that are willing to try new things, not just stick to the rules all the time. They should also have a touch of maturity, or ability to see the world from a different perspective. I think these type of 'bad boys' would be streetwise or worldly, that they've experienced things to mold them to how they are now, so they could always advise or help me when I need it. Prime examples of these type of guys would be Big Bang's TOP, Show Luo Zhi Xiang, Nicholas Tse...oh and Ian Somerhalder aka Damon Salvatore. Hehe. They LOOK like bad boys..but they don't necessarily have to be completely bad or be criminals, you know?

I would also say that I've become more...um...vain and concerned about my looks than previously? I mean, I've been trying to take better care of myself since I moved to PJ, but over the last few months, I've paid more attention to it. I would buy more skincare products, where previously it'll just be cleanser and moisturiser, now there's sunscreen, BB cream and lotsa masks! Then you add eyeliner, lipgloss/lipstick and occasional mascara and eyeshadow. I've tried the more natural look to the dramatic black eyeshadow. Heck, I've even tried false eyelashes! Besides the face, I've gotten more interested in my nails and clothes. Seems like I've gotten a bit known in the office for my nails and shoes, since I'm willing to try things out. As for clothes, as per Linda and Vicky's influence, I've started reading magazines like Ray, Vivi etc to check out the styles. So I would say that now I have more 'current fashion' pieces in my wardrobe compared to previously. Of course, I'd still pick pieces that can be reworn often, even if it's not quite in fashion now. Heh, I think I'm quite a shopaholic now.

Which brings me to the next change. I went through quite a long period of confusion and not knowing what I wanted out of life. The 'quarter life crisis' come early as I liked to joke. But now I think I'm pretty sure about things now. Previously I would choose a career over my family and love. I would have said that i would be willing to sacrifice in order to advance my career. Currently though, I'd prefer to have a simple but happy life with my family and friends. Of course, salary has to be enough to save some money, but ultimately, I would choose to be back in Kuching with loved ones. I may earn a higher salary in PJ, but it gets lonely here. Not many people to ask out for movies or even meals, especially if my brother isn't around. When you need help, sometimes its hard to figure out who to ask without feeling embarrassed. I mean, there r friends but somehow my pride gets a bit in the way, probably coz we're not that close yet?

So yes, at 25 years, I feel that I am starting to like what I've become, and of what I've achieved. I would say that though I am still single, but I am kinda comfortable with that. A girl's gotta love herself before loving others right? Though, please don't let that stop you from introducing me to anyone nice.. Hehe. Once again, thank you all for your wishes, messages, gifts, celebrations. Here's to more good times with everyone :)



Present from Dad..hehe...



fnally got my new Nike shoes..half a size too big..but thanks for getting them :D

From CY and Siew Hie

Birthday Fortnight

26th October 2008

Continuing on with my coverage of the birthdays in the month of Oct/Nov..lol. As mentioned in my earlier post, Mike's birthday was on the 27th of Oct, which was a Monday. It was also Deepavali and a public holiday for us in Selangor. YAY! To maximise our time, he decided to have his celebration on Sunday night instead. Being Mike, he chose to do it at Neway Karaoke at 1Utama and invited about 10 of us. Representing Swinburne (bsides the bday boy) was myself, Kwang Houg, Aileen and KC who was here for the long weekend. He'd also invited quite a few of his CHMNS1 friends. Even 1 of his friends working in SG was in KL for the weekend, which was good for him. So it was nice to be able to meet some new ppl from Kch working in KL. But i can honestly say we didn't have much time to talk. Y? Bcoz the package included buffet dinner!! We were all busy stuffing ourselves, there was a lot of yummy food to choose from. So Mike was busy choosing his songs while we chose the food. Haha.

Personally, I liked the appetizers more than the mains but the good thing was, if you keep coming down (they have like 2 flrs of rooms and we were upstairs), once a dish is finished, they'd replace it with a new one, usually of a different type. So there's really a lot to choose from! There was sushi, salads, seafood like mussels, prawns, crab, clams, Japanese noodles (where u can choose the style and ingredients), diff styles of chicken, fish, beef, lamb, vegetables etc. For dessert, there were fruits, jellies, puddings, cakes, pastries and an ice-cream bar! Oh my, I could just go on and on about the food. Basically, we were all just going in and out of the room with dishes of food. If we were lazy or accident-prone, we could also get the waiters to bring up our trays for us! Talk about service, ahah. Heck, if you felt cold, you could even borrow scarves from them!

But one thing about this type of karaokes, they make it compulsory for the snacks, which tend to be extremely over-priced. At least for us, we had 2 drinks each. Anyway, on to the main activity, singing! Each one of us had our own favourite singers and styles, so it was kinda like..Battle of the Stars, ahah. Mike's obviously was Jay, mine was Xiao Zhu, KC's was Lee Hom and there were quite a few songs from JJ, Jolin, AMei and more. ANd yes I have improved, coz I can finally rap Xiao Zhu's part for his song 'Lian Ai Da Ren'. Haha, thanks to lots and lots of practice b4hand. But Mike wasnt there to see, so no judge of my improvement :P I guess the other ppl thought I'm strange..coz i sing duet songs on my own!

Bday boy with KC and Aileen

We sang till almost 12 then Mike rang down for his bday package. Hahaha, the bday boy himself had to arrange for it, so kolien. He was given a free cake and bottle of 'champagne' (sparkling juice la). We had to wait quite awhile for it, so he pretended to cry like he was sooo upset. DRama king la him. Of coz when it finally came, we sang him the bday song in a few diff languages, which is probably a 1st for him. Then it was presents time! The Swinburne group got him an Arsenal casual tee, which he immediately wore the next day. I also got him the Friends complete DVD set (pirated arr..) when I was in Vietnam a few mths ago. He got quite a few presents, you can check out his blog for more details.

Me and Kwang Houg with his present from the Swinburne group (The couple already left ma)

However, unfortunately for us, we were asked to settle the bill and go at around 12.30 coz there were ppl outside waiting to use the room. The package was from 7.30pm to 12.30am, but if there was no1 waiting, we could actually use it till closing time, around 3-4am. But since the next day was a public holiday, guess every1 had the same idea as us! And there were still 6 drinks we hadnt claimed, so we went home with at least 1 or 2 bottles of Kampai, ahah! I think I was rather disappointed that we couldnt sing till early morning, coz it would have been a 1st and hey, I'd been practicing :P Mayb next time ya...hehe. But I really had fun singing, eating and laughing. It was a good celebration, I think MIke definitely enjoyed it with all his friends joining him :D

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1st November 2008

Talk about spontaneity and last-minute. I'd actually sent out Captain's present out to Johor earlier b4 my work trip to Penang when he texted me late on Halloween nite. Then he suddenly said that I should clean my apartment so that when he arrives it's clean. I thought he was just joking as usual but then he got Chee Fui to confirm with me b4 I could finally believe him. Then it was like..all out frenzy, coz the apartment was a little dusty. And being my mum's daughter, that cannot do! Started out cleaning my bathroom, then my room. Coz it was already almost 1, i was like...cannot..must continue tomorrow. So woke up early to clean the rest of the place and waited for them to arrive. And they know how to drive to KL, but then on, no clue. Somehow they managed to arrive someplace near my office so at least i could retrieve them n lead them back to my place.

After dropping their stuff and their car at my place, it was off to Ikea! Hmm, what isit with ppl from Kch and Ikea. Honestly, I've been there like so many times everytime some1 comes to KL. Haha, oh well, part of being the tour guide. Of coz we stopped for food 1st coz it was 3pm and none of us had eaten lunch yet! And i hadnt had a proper meal in 24 hrs, coz i spent most of it sleeping! Hahah. FOllowed them around Ikea trying out all the diff furniture, showed them the Curve's weekend flea market, Cineleisure and then it was off to 1Utama for some serious clothes shopping. Honestly, they're better shoppers than me i think. Kinda fun in a sense, coz they're like girls, can shop together with me. It was dinner time so we went for Vietnam Kitchen and it was the Captain's treat. Since it was his bday hehe. Ooo the golden mango prawn roll was yummy but i think all of us burned our tongues on it coz it was just fresh out of the wok.

Went back to my place where we all freshened up and then we went back to the Curve to check out Scarlet with my bro in tow. After all, its the Captain's bday, we must have alcohol! Hahah. We were early enough to snag a table at the side, but it was starting to get quite crowded. We had Glenmorangie single-malt as per my bro's recommendation, and it was pretty nice with the mixers. A little diff from Jack Daniels and Chivas. At 1st the music was just so-so, some house/r&b that we didn't quite recognize. The good thing about Scarlet was that 1 side of it is open windows/balconies so there was more ventilation, not to mention a nice view. As the night went on, the music got more retro and mixed. From Rihanna's Umbrella, they could go to 'oldies' such as Cranberrie's Zombie, Linkin Park's In the End, Bon Jovi's It's my Life and even....YMCA. Oh my. Hahha, it really made us feel old coz we knew the songs and we teased Captain that it was coz its his bday. It was kinda fun too, coz every1 in the club was just singing along loudly.

We left around 1am coz Chee Fui was falling asleep at the table (he hadnt slept for 24 hrs!!) and the rest of us had little sleep too, with husky voices due to all that singing. So I had 3 'salted fishes' sprawled out in my living room, coz KC was back in KL to get his car. KC was smarter tho, he went to sleep early and staked out a 'safe' position at the side. When my bro came in from watching football, he had to navigate his way around what little space there was with his handphone light and he nearly stepped on the Captain who was in the middle of the group. Since they were all exhausted, I let Chee Fui sleep till 12 noon b4 we woke him up to go for lunch. It was a little late for the dimsum place I had in mind, so we went straight for Mid Valley in 2 cars (so they could drive straight back after that).

Once again, on my bro's recommendation, we went for Mdm Kwan's for lunch. And dammit, he has expensive taste la! Since i promised i'd pay for dimsum breakfast, I paid for the lunch instead and ouch...it was RM100 for the 4 of us..-_- After that, we walked around, checked out the shops and showed them The Gardens, where it was just TOOO expensive for us to buy anything. We are all gadget freaks so we went from Sony to Nokia and so on to see the phones/laptops. My bro showed them the incredibly expensive jeans shop, with all the Evisu, True Religion jeans. Imagine, 1 pair is RM1k minimum! Crazy rite?

But soon, it was time for them to start the drive back to Johor and we said our goodbyes. Of coz they're welcome to come back and stay with us (with more advance notice pls!). Basically I am like the 'hotel' for my Kch friends who come to KL, ahah! But yeah, I had a good weekend too, though it was an expensive one. I think they found it more expensive though, what with their shopping. Anyway, it was a lot of fun, joking around, teasing/arguing, with the Captain getting hit a lot of coz. Chee Fui could just shake his head at how childish we were in public. But that is SOP - Standard Operating Procedure for us. Oh, no pics coz we forgot to take any, and lazy too! Heh. Till the next time then!

The Captain is 1/4 of a century!

This is yet another birthday post, what to do, October/November is like the peak period for birthdays for me. Imagine, in a duration of about 9 days, there are 6 friends celebrating their birthdays. -_- Anyway, today is the birthday of Captain Henry! He turns 25, which I keep telling him is old!...hHeheh

This is typical of the Capt..

Anyway, some of you may wonder why we call him Captain. He's also known as 'Lao Pan' which means Boss. Captain is bcoz he was really into Pirates of the Caribbean as I was, in the last 2 yrs, and we all thought that he was pretty much like Captain Jack Sparrow, what with him always seeming a little drunk with his crazy, spontaneous ideas and odd quotes/topics. Of course, he'd also do his charming bit with the ladies, misleading and confusing terms of speech and he even had his 'White Pearl'. Oh, and he also has a tendency to be clumsy like Capt Jack too! Last year for his graduation, we bought him a mini Black Pearl too. As for the Boss bit, well, he was like our ringleader, always coming up with ideas on what to do and all that.

So how did I first get to meet this interesting character? I think it was in 2004 when I joined Swinburne and Augustine became the new Council President after Evelyn left. August had this little group called FShit, bcoz of the boyband F4 which was super-popular back then. There were 4 of them; August, Henry, Dominic and Yii Leong, and they even had the same type/colour jackets! Kinda funny if you think back actually. So August being a friendly/gentleman, he introduced me to them. I remember having a 1st impression on all of them and Henry's was that 'Oh, this guy is definitely a bad boy or a player'. Haha! So I was just polite to them and didn't really talk much then.

Bullying 'Da Ge' at Capt's bday last yr

It was only in late 2006 that I got to know the Captain better because he'd just come back from his IBL in Singapore and joined Mike's FYP group. I'd also gotten to know CY better then and the 3 of them were in several classes together, so yea, we all started hanging out. Then it was the period of our Mahjong addiction from CNY onwards, where we HAD to play at least once a week. During the peak of our addiction, we'd play a few times a week, even though we were all in final sem/year! Crazy and risky, I know. From Mahjong, it progressed to Monopoly since I had 3 sets.

My friendship with the Captain is interesting to say the least. People who know us would probably think so, since they all say that we provide all the entertainment. Haha, he's the Boss and I'm the Lady Boss. CY and Siaw Hui keep saying that Kch is so quiet after we both left. It's coz we're always arguing about things and we're super noisy! Obviously most of my guy friends like to tease me and I'd argue back and disturb them too. So since Henry likes teasing us so much, I am probably his biggest target. And the 2 of us are really competitive and we dont like to lose, whether at Mahjong, Monopoly or even any discussion. But in case anyone misunderstands that we don't get along, we're just arguing for the sake of it. To be honest, I think we both just enjoy the sparring. It certainly benefits the others when playing games with us, since they can win more easily since its just the 2 of us fighting so much. Plus get entertained for free. But nowadays, the arguing isn't quite the same since we're just doing it for laughs and we're both on the same wavelength, joking around, teasing each other and all that.

So yeah, despite his bad 1st impression (hmm, this seems to be recurring), I've come to find that he's actually a great friend to me. We always have lots to talk about, from work, music, movies, or just any old thing. There are definitely no dull moments when we meet up, probably coz we both agree that we cant' find any1 else to argue with us in KL/Johor. But he can be a good listener and gives constructive advice too. Of coz, he'd definitely be able to cheer me up when I'm down, what with his craziness. Basically, a really fun and generous friend to hang out with. Though ppl might talk bad about him being a player or a jerk....but for me, he's been a good friend. So yeah, that's more important to me. After all, I come off across as a snobby bitch to others but my friends dont think so.

Anyway, I count him as the other most important guy in my life at the moment (bsides family). We've been through some good times, as well as some stupid fights due to our tempers (esp mine). But at least we're more mature now and understand, respect and appreciate each other more. So here's wishing the Captain a very happy 25th birthday! You don't need an increment but I think you deserve a promotion for all the hours you put in at work. Here's hoping you'll keep improving on your stability/maturity ;). And pls dont do anything too crazy/stupid. Haha! Cheers to Captain Henry!

Happy 24th Mike!

Today is the birthday of Mike FV, who is probably one of the most important guys in my life (outside of my family of coz) so far. I think everyone knows that we used to be together, but are just friends now. And yes, i think ppl still get confused about this, coz we hang out a lot in KL. But hey, like we always say, KL is a big place, and there are not that many of us from Kuching who can mix around that well.

But moving along, what shall we say about Mike? Well, as everyone knows, he's a good singer (big big fan of Jay!) and enjoys making people laugh. Definitely a good friend to those that he cares about, and a gentleman. So yeah, good with the ladies in his own way ;). Summary is, he's the type of boy you'd wanna bring home to introduce to your mum. HAha!

How did I meet this guy? Simple, I was in Swinburne's Council in my foundation year of 2003 and he'd just joined the Council too. We were organizing this Valentine's Day sale and had to set up the booth. So after the initial introduction, the first thing i said to him was 'Can you go to the Council room to get the radio?'. Lol. Being the nice guy that he is, he of coz went to do it. But I guess he must have thought I'm so bossy. Which he did tell me later. And I thought he was easy to bully. Hehe, so bad of me.

Boy, this was like really back in those old days..ahha

Despite our somewhat...bad first impression, we got to know one another better bcoz of some shared interests, like music and something of an addition to IRC (it was big back then b4 we progressed to MSN). Even up to this day, 5 years down the road, we still talk about the things we both like, such as Jay, Mayday or any good Chinese music, Final Fantasy games (though I've only played FF8), movies, Swinburne gossip, etc. Basically, he's probably the contact with the biggest MSN log file. He's like the first that I'll tell my stuff to, even the most inane or boring stuff. What to do, he's a good listener you know. Makes him very good boyfriend material, and trust me girls, he was/is a good boyfriend. Just that this girl doesn't know how to appreciate him. Hey, we're better off as friends now. So...no regrets for being with him and even being his friend now though :)

Look how skinny you were then!

So yeah, we've been through a lot together, seen new places, both as friends and as a couple previously. But at least we're still good friends now. So before I sound too loso, here's wishing you a great 24th birthday. May you have a great year ahead, and all your wishes come true. Hope you'll get that much-deserved promotion and maybe another Europe trip? And of course, a good girl who will treat u like the king u are ;) You deserve nothing but the best! Cheers mate!

CNY 2008

And once again, I am updating about something that happened so many months ago. What can I say, I really tend to put things off a lot. Even in work. >.< must change this bad habit of mine, coz it makes me delay things till the last minute and then I'd have to rush, and yea, makes me late quite frequently. But i know a lot of ppl are like tat, yet this doesn't make it ok.

Anyway, back to the update on hand. This year's CNY marked the first time that I am going home for CNY. Every year, I'm already at home to celebrate it, or maybe going away some place to get away from it (against my will mostly). But this time, I have become one of the many ppl working outside of their hometown and have to take leave to go back home. Kinda strange feeling to me. Thing is, I'd only been working for about 1 mth (1 mth on 1st day of CNY to be exact), so technically I was only allowed to take 1 day's leave. So that's y I took that one day on CNY eve itself and flew back to Kch that morning. Among all of us who are working out of Kch, I was the last to arrive back. Burger was back the earliest by a few days (lucky guy!) followed by the Capt who reached just a few hours before me.

The very 1st thing i wanted to do was hunt down a bowl of yummy Sarawak LAKSA! Sadly, since it was CNY eve, they were all closed :( So i settled for my fave dumplings from Jade Pot instead. The twist was, Jade Pot was also closed for CNY, but my parents went there the day b4 and bought the uncooked ones n learned how to cook/heat them up. Not quite the same, but hey, beggars can't be choosers la, esp since I haven't had them since I left for KL. Having recharged my 'battery' (or satisfied 1 of my cravings), it was off to Eric Hair Salon! Lol i always joke about having my own hair stylist and I guess it's kinda true since I only get my hair done by Eric, who's my cousin on my dad's side. Affordable, yet with quality and friendliness :) And surprise surprise, the Captain was also getting his hair done, being the vainpot that he is. DIdn't get to talk much since we were seated on opposite sides of the salon but we did try to arrange for one of our much-missed MAHJONG sessions for the next few days. As for my hair, I just got a relaxing wash and trim, plus they set it in curls for me. *blissfully pampered*

There were just a few hours left till the family reunion dinner, so I just lazed around watching tv, sneaking some CNY tidbits and playing with the fat cat. Of coz I did try to help out, but there wasn't much I could do as well. It was kind of strange though, though I was back for CNY, my grandma and auntie had gone to spend it in KL -_-|| but she did prepare her infamous dark-sauced duck (infamous not for the taste, but for the events related), ngo hiang (meat rolls in beancurd skin), ingredients for the soup and more. The thing about the women on my mum's side, they tend to prepare food in large amounts. They're always worried about us getting hungry, hence the reason y I became chubbier once i stopped all-day school. My Uncle Jeffrey and cousin were there to help finish the food, but there were still many leftovers, which we would try to finish over the next few days. After dinner, we just sat around, catching up and playing blackjack. For once, I joined in the betting, but only RM1 per bet, which was the lowest among the rest. Hehe and I ended up winning the most, about RM20. But it was just for CNY, so yea, no long-term betting for me! My brother then took off for his REAL gambling session while I watched more TV, which wasn't much in terms of CNY entertainment this year :P till it was time for the great CNY countdown! It's pretty much tradition that all of us are back home for it, so my brother rushed back with my uncle for it. And every year my mum just tries to sleep through it -_-||

As most Kuchingites might know, though we have a firecracker/fireworks ban in Malaysia, it doesn't really seem to affect us for festive seasons. However, from what I hear, they've been harder to find this year. Of course, being ever resourceful, my family managed to source some out and though I enjoy them, I always have to comment 'WHy buy so much? You're just burning money!' But everyone else in the neighbourhood was probably as kiasu, if not more. Well, just the regular families anyway. The number of ppl doing the CNY countdown has gone down over the years. Anyway, it was still pretty much the same - loud, smoky and somewhat dangerous. You never know when a cracker will explode and send things flying over to the next house/neighbour or an empty firework shell might land in your roof gutter and keep burning and so on. This year, the alpha males of my family had finally bought some BIG fireworks, the ones that are packed like individual 'grenades' and produce only 1 big 'flower'. Each 'grenade' has to be loaded into a metal launcher with the fuse trailing out and it will then shoot up into the sky to explode. Of course, there's always the risk of it getting stuck in the launcher and blasting it to smithereens and so forth. *shrugs*

The first attempt is always the riskiest, since we all weren't very sure of the success rate. Usually 1 of them will light it and then run back to where we're all standing, quite a distance away. We watched the lighted fuse disappear into the launcher with bated breath. *POOOOFF* The grenade launched itself up and out and exploded barely over the roofs of the houses in our road. Resulting in all of us ducking and swearing simultaneously, as bits of the packaging and whatnot came raining down on us. -_-|| Our conclusion was that our area was a bit too low to get the full effect of the firework. Since I was attempting to photograph the fireworks, I resorted to crouching between a neighbour's car and his dustbin, to avoid getting hit by any exploding bits and to get the full 'flower'. This worked out pretty ok, but it was still pretty awkward. Lol. After the end of countdown, we were all smelling of smoke, slightly dusty from gunpowder and coughing slightly as usual. But yea, i wouldn't want to miss this part of CNY :) My brother of coz went back to his friends' place and I was back online and watching tv. Oh, and comforting the poor fatty who was frightened by all the noise and cowered in the corner for once. I think he actually went up to join my mum, being the manja cat he is.

The best shot I could come up with

Anyway, on the 1st day of CNY as usual, we started the visiting by visiting the houses of both sides' grandparents. At my dad's parents' house, I got to meet my new 'nephew'. My oldest cousin on that side of the family had given birth to Zyan a few months ago, and this was our first time seeing him in person. He was chubby, cute and big-eyed, awww. He reminded me of my brother when he was young, since he was kind of big for his age and fair too, with a little cheeky grin. Haha. After that, we went to a few relatives' houses, friends of my parents and so forth. Oh, and at one of my dad's friends' place, I got to have my laksa!! Yea, imagine, they serve laksa at their open house, which they made themselves. It was pretty good too, since their father used to set up a coffeeshop. YUM :)

CNY Family Photo 2008

My mum with Zyan in matching outfits

Later that afternoon, I went with Captain and August to go visit Dr. Dennis at his parents' house. We talked about our jobs, what we'd done so far and etc. And I got mistaken by his grandma as their relative -_-||. Since it was a hot day, we went to McD's for ice-cream then back to my house for MAHJONG! As there were only 3 of us, my dad joined in as the 4th person. Kinda strange for me since I've never played with my dad and he also doesn't play by the rules that we follow or know the combos that we do. A lot of adjusting on all our parts, especially for those of us who like to set up big combos. All thru the day, Captain and I were bickering/bantering/discussing (as usual!) and August just shook his head since he's used to it, Dr. Dennis was bemused and i think my dad was probably thinking "hmm..wat's wrong with the 2 of them"

After dinner and more visiting, we had our OFFICIAL mahjong session, this time complete with playing for money. My dad had decided since the 3 of us were now working, we could afford to play with money, which we'd never done. So he explained the rules and said we probably won't lose more than RM50 at most. To which we all exchanged looks that said 'HA? RM50 ar?!' but since he said though we might lose a round, we still can win some money, we were like ok, just try. As the most 'kiamsiap' person at the table (probably coz i'm the only girl), I was the most worried but strangely, I ended up leading for the first few rounds. Till I made this comment "Hey, I haven't had to pay you yet" to the Captain and almost immediately, I had to. -_-|| So the superstition they say about this type of comments IS true. Anyway, after 1 full round of the 4 winds, the end result was the Captain and I winning most of the money with my dad and August losing about RM10 plus each. So yea, had some luck at gambling this year, which is mayb due to me being the only girl.

My family usually has 'open house' on the 2nd day of CNY but on a small-scale, as in no dishes like curries or what served, just cookies, tidbits and so on. There wasn't exactly a rush of ppl unlike my younger years but still quite a steady flow. In between I was of course online, refilling containers, preparing drinks and the usual. Later that afternoon, I went to visit Dr. Chua with CY and we had a good time talking about Swinburne and our jobs. His little boy Eason was so cute, helping to serve us food. And after serving us, he'd quickly cover the containers like he didn't want us to eat anymore. His mum asked him to give us one of everything, so yea a lot of eating. But sometimes he'd only serve CY instead of both of us, so it was funny. We joked to Dr. Chua, now you know what type of girl he'll go for huh? LOL.

Then, that night was MY open house as per the previous years. Most of my Swinburne friends from the E&CS ppl who were in Kch, Serena n the debaters turned up at different times. So we had mahjong, lots of catching up and gossip, just like what we used to do. Really missed it, though I'd been away for just one month. The Mecha gang of Yi Chan, Thong Wei, Stephen all turned up on the 3rd day and of course, more updates on jobs/training, gossip/reminiscing about the good old days when some of us fell down, got into love triangles and so on. Lol. CY and KC came over that night too and talked about the E&CS gang, who would be the first to get married etc etc. The usual. My summary was that everytime when u meet with ur friends that you might not have seen for awhile, the topics tend to change over the years. When you're in high school, you complain about studies, tuition, guys etc. When in uni, you still complain about studies, guys and lack of time/lousy lecturers/crazy assignment deadlines. Then once you leave uni, you talk/complain about work, supervisors, salaries, number of days for leave and so on. Basically, it just makes u feel old n you'll miss the previous stage of your life. But yea, I really enjoyed catching up with everyone.

The 1 thing that maybe annoyed/bemused me during the whole trip was that I kept having to update everyone about my job. Some ppl who totally didn't know would ask if I was still in high sch/uni and those who knew would ask about Sony. Basically I had to explain about the situation or about what I did at Philips many many times. My parents did summarize for them but when they ask in detail, that's me. Sometimes i just wished I had a big card in front that said it all, or a voice recorder, but ah well that's life. And it just means they care about what's going on with you, though they'll probably forget it and ask again next year.

My trip back came to an end all too soon for me and I was really down at the airport. My parents were there and yea, I was kinda distracted with the lighting. But once I got through the IC check and was by myself, it really hit me that I was leaving Kuching again. Leaving my family, friends and all that was familiar, and going back to 'cold', busy and dusty KL. I admit to shedding a few tears but managed to pull myself together. After all, I made the choice myself and it's for my own good. I'm strong enough to accept this new challenge, I must stick with it so I can gain more for the future! Yep, that's what I told myself, but I of course still missed everyone :P Before coming back to Kch, I made lots of plans to meet everyone, to do lots of things (eat laksa, dumplings, go to Spring, play mahjong). I'm glad to say, I managed to do everything and spent quality (not quantity, sadly) with everyone dear to me. Basically, the trip was all I'd hoped for and more. THanks to everyone who played a part. I miss u guys...and I miss those that I didn't get to see (away for holidays or overseas). Till the next time! *hugz*

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

This is kinda a continuation of my previous post on my strange feelings about one of my best friends changing jobs/moving. In the days following that post, I've been thinking a lot about it. And I've come to think that, though we may be in the same city, it doesn't necessarily mean that we are free to meet up too and all tat. Like CY and Hui, they're both still in Kuching, but bcoz they're both busy with work and new colleagues/friends, they rarely meet up too. What more to say the rest of us who are scattered over West Malaysia, or the rest of the world? But of coz, I know that when we do meet up, we're still the same as ever.

I've also started thinking about certain friends and how they seem to treat me. Like u know sometimes, u'd get phone calls from ppl who want something like assignments, projects, books, answers etc? And other times, you don't hear from them at all? That kinda happened to me few days ago. Normally, I'd be more than happy to help out my friends, especially this friend who I've always helped out. But I guess bcoz I was always willing to help out, this friend kinda took it for granted. So there was no 'Please' or 'Thanks', but more of 'commands'. And I felt a bit pissed, but I did tell this friend in the end, to which they kinda joked it off by way of explanation/apology. Somehow, I know this friend is kinda like this, as in tend to 'use' ppl but I also know that we are still friends, just that maybe the tone of their 'command' sms sounds too much like commands.

Thinking it through, I guess this is actually normal for people to 'use' each other. I mean, how often do u call some1 up just to talk about nth at all? There is always a reason to call up ur friend, whether to ask them out, ask for something/help/advice etc. I think a major reason for this is that we're all so busy with our own lives (or it seems so anyway!), that we don't have the time to just call up our friends to chat aimlessly. There is always something we want out of it, not that it's always for materialistic stuff. It can be for support, advice and etc. So yeah, I guess it's normal for this friend to call me up and ask me for help with documents. I've always gotten requests for help with documentation...they say it's due to my English? I should feel honored that there's something for ppl to refer to me....after all, I always feel so lousy in other stuff. Oh, and also event management...lol..

In a way, if someone calls u up for some purpose, there's one good thing. At least they think highly of u in that aspect...and in some cases, at least they're thinking of u! For me, if I don't think highly of them or feel that they're not up to 'standard', I definitely won't even think of calling them for anything. Unless i absolutely have to! And another thing that I kinda came to a conclusion about is....that it doesn't really matter what ppl do to u. The most important thing is how we feel about ourselves. It is up to us what makes us happy and what doesn't. And I think it's really pointless to care about what others say, bcoz u can never please every1. So, I am trying to think in this way. As long as I've done my part as a friend, I won't think too much about how my friend treats me/returns the favour. My conscience will at least be clean. My happiness should not have to depend on any 1 person or people. I should be able to make myself happy first.

But I'm definitely not denying the power of friendship. My caring for friends is kinda what led to me to think about all this stuff. If I didn't care so much about them leaving/moving or the way they treat me, I wouldn't analyse this into detail. You know, ever since I watched Friends, the series...I've always wished that I could have that. One day, live with a bunch of friends and going through the best part of our lives together. But I also realise that it's fairly impossible. People come and go all the time, off to uni/work/married. Old friends drift apart, you meet new ones and so on. And like in the series, they themselves change too. Relationships change over time, from friends, to being a couple...then back to friends. I can honestly say, it is really RARE for a guy and girl to just be friends. Most of the time, feelings will develop, mayb on 1 side, or both, and it can go 4 ways.

1. They don't end up together, but their friendship becomes stronger.
2. They don't end up together, but things bcome weird between them and there goes the friendship.
3. They can be togheter, but if they breakup, things might be weird.
4. They can be together, and after breaking up, they're still good friends.

Trust me, I've been through all 4 of them, lol. But I have a lot of good friends so far, so I'm really glad to have met all of them. There are a few groups of them, like the 1st batch would be the Lodgians (all you Point 3's!) and of coz the Gathering Gals! Then, we have G4 (stands for Gay 4, ahah!) from Swinburne....I am the only girl, so yea, I think that's where the whole Princess thing came about. But they rarely treat me like a Princess....they bully me! And of coz, I've learnt to bully them back. Then there's JAMS, where MIchael is the only guy and was our brother. Last but not least, it's the Mahjong/Monopoly/clubbing kakis! Though I only got to know them better for the last 1 year, they were the ones that I really wished to have the FRIENDS experience with.

Part of the Gathering Gals and Point 3 ppl :)

The incomplete G4: Chiet, me, Yi Chan, Stephen (Thong Wei's missing)

JAMS: Jenny, Mike, me and Serena

Mahjong/Monopoly/clubbing kakis: CY, Henry and Siaw Hui

Though I know that most likely, i will not be able to have the FRIENDS thing with any of these groups, because we're all in different places/jobs/situations....I still adore and miss all of you. Though we may drift apart, and stop keeping in touch so frequently (this ALWAYS happens...coz we're busy/lazy/forgetful etc)...I know that when we do keep in touch, or meet up...we will still have that camaderie, all the crazy teasings and fun/silly stuff we always get up to.

So yes, I am feeling better about myself, and the position I'm in. I can now say, I'm proud of my friends, what they've achieved. And I wish everyone the very best in their future undertakings. You'll always have a supporter in me. I do hope you guys feel the same way about me too :) But if you don't, that's ok. I'll still support myself! After all, its better to love someone without any expectations of them loving you back....it's the most painful, but sincerest type of love. Hmm..somehow this isn't coming out the way I'm thinking. Must b too tired....hehe..Muakz

This Strange Feeling

I'm feeling kinda weird now. I just got an sms from 1 of my best friends...that they finally got their dream job. Normally, I'd be very happy to hear of a friend's success/happy event but this time.....Like just the other day, I received VERY BIG news from 2 of my friends about something happy. And I got all excited for them, maybe even more excited than they were. I was just so happy then. But now maybe, it's bcoz it's been so set in my mind that they're already settled in this particular job, this location, that things won't change already. Like, it's confirmed in my mind that these friends are in Kuching, these friends are in KL, and these others are in other parts of Malaysia and the world. Or maybe it's bcoz it's one of my closer friends who I just got to know much better in the past year and I really care a lot about every 1 of them. That they're getting further and further from me. At first, it wasn't that far away, but now it seems that the distance has grown even more. Physical distance of course, emotional distance is still ok. We're all still in touch and talking on the phone/MSN..

I think I'm kinda in shock now. There I was, just checking my company email then I hear this familiar ringtone (I set specific ringtones for each of my closest friends), which I havent heard in awhile. Reading their SMS..i could feel my mood drastically change from quietly contented but tired to quietly contemplative and slightly sad. I actually can feel my heart sinking and my brain getting muddled as I'm trying to sort out my feelings here. Maybe I'm not as adaptive to change as I thought I was. Coz this change kinda affects me in a sense. Our original plans were that we could meet up for holidays every once in awhile, you know 'Cuti-Cuti Malaysia' and all that. But with this move, there would be one kaki short. It may not seem like a big deal, but for us, each of us contributes a different factor to the whole group. And if one is missing, it's different. Some of these friends are more influential than others too, as in the amount of craziness/fun/ideas/capability they contribute.

I know, I really should be happy for them. But it's kinda hard now. I'm gonna miss them. After my trip back to Kch for CNY, I felt really happy to have been able to meet up with everyone. I could feel myself smiling widely everyday while in Kuching, bcoz you guys just made my day. But once I went into the airport, I was like..oh crap, I'm gonna leave again. KL has lots of things to do, but I enjoy spending time with my friends more. Even if we just sit around watching tv together, or chatting about nth in particular, that's more fun to me. And it means a lot more. I guess the bad part about going back, is that once I got back to KL, I missed everyone even more. It seems like such a long time till April. And I wonder when I would be able to see some of you, especially the ones not in Kuching, since it's not like CNY where we all come back. Now I really want that year-end trip even more. Even if it's 9 mths away, at least if it's confirmed, it's something for me to look forward to. Quality time with quality ppl.

I miss you guys. And I'll miss you till I see you. But I'll miss you even more after I see you. Haiz.

Anyway, Happy Chap Goh Mei!