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Short Life Lessons

Listening to some recent albums by Xiao Zhu, Anthony Neely, Madonna, Rihanna, Katy Perry and Pixie Lott. Their songs, along with some recent incidents reminded me of some things.

No matter how bad things get, you just have to suck it up and carry on. No matter how much you mope/whine/cry about it...life will still move on without you. Might as well go with the flow, or risk getting left behind in the past. Time and tide waits for no one.

Even if things seem hard, we just have to try our best. It is better to have given something our 100%, rather than to sit still and not try at all, just because we're afraid of being wrong or laughed at. Better to have tried something than to just be an onlooker in life. We'll never learn anything that way. Even if we fail, we just have to pick ourselves up and try again. If we keep trying, we'll reach our goal one day. 

If something seems too difficult at the moment, take a moment to breath and maybe think things through. Maybe things will seem better or different after a short break. We can't expect to be experts and get everything done in one single shot. Some things just need to be done a step at a time, or slowly plugging through it. Slow and steady does it. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day!

So what if that guy isn't responding to you? Or so what if that job/opportunity passed you by? Something/someone even better may be just around the corner. Sometimes we tend to think too much about what we missed out on, that we fail to realise that something new is right in front of us. Like they say, if you stare too long at the closed door, you don't notice the other doors opening around you. Always keep your eyes peeled for opportunities/new things!

Reckless

After all the things I have done...or decided in my life, I think some people might describe me as reckless. Or perhaps flighty. After all, I spent 9 years studying and working as an engineer..and now I'm studying and working to be an English teacher. But okay, despite the career switch, I think there are many things that even my closest friends would shake their heads at. 

I don't know why, but I somehow find myself having to justify or explain my reasoning in this blog. I'm kinda lazy to do it in real life, because there are probably too many people to do so. Writing it here, would help me to recall back to the incidents and go...oh..that's right. So yes, back to why all the 'recklessness?' Once again, it's back to my theory, life is short! We seriously have no clue as to how long we are meant to be on earth for. I don't want to be in the last few days of my life and think back on everything that i've done...and have any regrets. I want to look back on days gone by and smile or laugh at everything that occurred. Sure, I'd probably cringe at a few, probably because of how silly I was or how embarrassing they might have been. But, at least I tried, that's more important.

I believe in seizing the opportunity or moment as they come. I can't keep thinking, I'll save that for tomorrow...I'll see that person or tell him/her tomorrow... I'll do that another day. What if tomorrow never comes? What if that is the last time you'll see that person? What if that opportunity never comes around again? Then you'd feel really bad that you didn't do it right when you thought of it. Sometimes we tend to overthink things and end up not making a move. Why? Because we are afraid of how we might come across, or how others view us. I say, screw all that and if you want to do something, just do it! 

Even though people think that I just jump into things sometimes, I don't. I am actually someone who does think a lot about things...weighing it out carefully..considering the pros and cons...costs etc. But nowadays, I'm slowly changing to be more....impulsive or relaxed. These days, my main thought process is, if I do this...will I regret it? If I don't do this, will I regret for not taking the chance? Will I keep thinking about it? After I've answered all these, then I'll either do it or not. I'll deal with the consequences later when they come. Sometimes you just have to go with your gut feel. The brain is meant to be logical...but the heart can be stronger.

I think these pictures kinda sum it up....

Labels

Labels. What am I going on about today? You know how people tend to 'label' their relationships with others after a certain stage? You know, like....acquaintances, friends, best friends, BFFs, girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, friends with benefits, mistress, rival, enemy, and so on....

I think the moment you label your relationship, it starts getting messy and potentially primed for problems. Once you assign a label to the relationship, you start having expectations from it. But the other party may not respond the way you want..or feel the same way. Hence, the beginning of issues! It's like once you have expectations, you start to think, oh, they should treat you this way, or 'give' something to you. It should be a give and take thing..it does take 2 to be in a 'relationship' of any sort.

But yet, I kind of understand why we do label our relationships. We have this tendency to want to classify the things in our life. Pay attention to the things/people we value more, and kinda ignore the rest, since we're all fighting against time. So those people with the 'higher' labels would of course have more of our time. It's somewhat of a security thing as well. We want the label so that we are clear about what is going on between the 2 people. For example, the girl would normally ask, "So, are we boyfriend n girlfriend now?" She asks this because she wants to be reassured that she is the only girl the guy is seeing, or else she'd be thinking that the guy is playing with her or just wasting her time and invested efforts/emotions. But this usually results in 2 situations...either the guy sees her as a girlfriend...or not. Very loaded question with lots of potential of heartbreak.

Some people tend to ask, so who is so and so to you? Why do you treat them that way, why do you hang out/why don't you hang out with them? Why don't you work out what is going on between you guys? They find it confusing that I don't always have a label for all my friends. I think after many previous incidents, I've felt that it is usually easier and less messy to not label every single relationship. Of course, it's easy to label the clear-cut ones...like 'i don't like that girl, so she's not my friend'. But other friendships that don't necessarily fall under any specific category, why bother to crack my head over how to label them? I'd rather just enjoy the relationship/companionship as it is. No need to go and ask, "Hey, so what is our relationship? Friends? Besties? Best Friends Forever? Sisters from another mother?"

I think it's more important to look at the big picture than to worry about minor details like that. Like I said, life is short. For all we know, it could really be the end of the world this yr, and we're stressing ourselves over minor details like how do I refer to this person in my life. They have a name, so we just need to say, this is 'Top, my friend,' or that's 'Jessica, the girl I really can't stand.' (Using Kpop stars as examples here..haha!) Easier to just use the basic labels, that they are your friend/not your friend.

Life is already hard and complicated enough without having all these labels...we should just enjoy what we have and take it a day at a time. Just let things happen as they come...get to know the person well..accept them for who they are and how they help you grow as a person. Can't always look at people and think, so what can I get from them today? What benefits do I get from being their friend/girlfriend/bestie etc? Whatever benefits may come your way as a result, should be a BONUS, not the main reason of the relationship. I sometimes feel that I am so pampered by my friends, that I worry how I can repay them...I don't take care of them enough?

But once again, I don't expect everyone to agree with me. I may just be weird this way. *shrugs* Read this if you wanna know more

http://www.howtogetoverarelationship.com/relationship-advice/

Obsessed!

Currently obsessed with Chocolate Truffle Cake from Hilton....or generally any chocolates....gosh.. Champagne and truffles....sure am being pampered. Going to be super spoiled soon! Gonna be super fat now..i need to head back to gym. But will need to work out my timing...sigh..busy busy with work and studies. I think i may be burning the candle at both ends and may crash out soon. Thank God for the school holiday this week. But heading into the peak period for both work and studies....wish me luck!!

Random relationship musings

I guess I may be different from most other girls in my thinking. Just coz you flirt or spend time with a guy, doesn't mean it will end up being a relationship. Sure, that is the aim of most people, to flirt and eventually find a 'right' or 'good' guy. But to go into it with just that aim in mind, is pretty restricting to me. Personally, I don't mind flirting or spending time with a guy, without looking beyond that. Sure, if it works out, that's best. If not, I still am pretty alright with things, as long as I'm happy, or I enjoyed the experience.

I believe in enjoying the present, living in the moment and taking things as they come. Everything else beyond the present, just let it come. I am known to be a worrywart when it comes to planning my future, but in regards to boy-girl relationships...after all that I've been through, all the complications, I've learned that there is no right or wrong, nothing much that can be planned so far in advance. It's easy to judge others for whatever they do. You may say, "Why did they do that? How can they be so etc etc." But when the situation comes and you find yourself in the similar predicament, it's hard to say much about it. 

Things happen without you expecting it and for a reason, somehow, no matter how weird/shitty/messed up it can be. Life is unexpected, never say you will never go through or do that. I guess I view everything that happens as a learning experience, so as to not repeat my mistakes. It does make me grow and change my perceptions/thinking about certain issues. I think I have stopped judging what others do and become more open-minded. Of course, I may express my concern over things, but never to say what is right or wrong. But maybe to tell them, to keep their eyes open and be careful. Take things as they come, one step at a time. There is no rush or 'right' timing.

Over the last few years, I've gotten a lot of flak about who I hang out with and what I've done or am doing. Honestly, if you aren't someone I care about, I could care less about what you think. Of course, it starts becoming a concern when family and close friends start talking about it. Yet, I do realise, that most of them may not be as open-minded as I am about things. Something I may not think is a big deal, is a huge issue for them, maybe because they're slightly more traditional about it. My response? Life is short, why do we need to get worked up over things like that, when we should be living it up. Enjoy life to the fullest, try out every experience possible, as long as we're not doing anything illegal, or hurting people. Relationships between a guy and a girl, as long as they know what they're doing, and the consequences...is between the two of them. 

I no longer believe in living based on what others say you can or can't do. Seriously, who are these people to be able to dictate all that we do? Who are they to make the rules? Besides, I think most rules are meant to be broken. It is MY life, so it's MY rules.  As long as I am happy with what I have, and what I'm doing and I'm not hurting anyone, then I'll do things as I please. Again, life is seriously too short to worry about what others think. Make yourself happy before making others happy, even if they are your significant other. You should always love yourself before someone else. After all, before and during marriage, you are your own person. Even after marriage, you are still a person, not just the partner of whoever it is. With my current schedule, I have no free time to waste on thinking about the haters. You can't please everyone so just forget them. 

If only....

I know this would seem rather random, especially since I haven't updated in so many months? But I suddenly thought of these...like..what would I want to do with my boyfriend..if I had one! Haha...just thought I'd jot them down so that I can remember to do them when i do get one...LOL

- Piggy back ride from him
- Holding hands while window shopping etc...
- Holding his hand while he leads me across the road (coz I'm honestly not too good at crossing roads!)
- Back hug
- Randomly hold each other's waist
- Just hugging each other tightly
- Being able to tell him 'Oppa, saranghae!' and do the cheesy heart shape with my fingers or arms to him
- Take cute/sweet photos to my heart's content
- Wear couple shirt, use couple perfumes etc...just plain being able to buy a couple set of something!
- Allowing me to sniff his new cologne on his neck
- Letting me 'dress' him up like a real life Ken doll
- Hold hands n being able to lean on his shoulder while watching a movie :)
- To be able to buy each other surprise presents just for no reason at all...doesn't even have to be anything big
- Accompany me to fangirl at Xiao Zhu's concert etc though he might be jealous

Haha..kinda silly right? But sometimes it's really the small things that matter and makes us happy. Will add more if I can think of them and hopefully I can achieve some...sometime soon?...LOL...

Quarter Century Mark

I know that it's been ages since I last updated, as usual! I guess it's because of Twitter, where its convenient and quick, but of course limited to 140 characters :P. Anyway, as per my custom, I have to update on my birthday. Somehow, this year I didn't really have the mood to celebrate it, unlike previous years. Mayb it's age catching up, or probably because I dont feel like I have many ppl around, compared to in Kuching?

However, I am still grateful to my family, friends, colleagues and ex-colleagues who made the effort to help me celebrate. It started with Aileen, Kwang Houg and Michelle who asked me out to dinner the weekend before. I didn't think they would do a celebration, since I didn't mention my birthday, but they remembered. There were 2 cakes, since they forgot to tell the other that they bought me a cake. Luckily Aileen had bought 4 mini cakes (sized for 1 person type) instead of a regular sized one. My uncle, auntie and cousin Sam had all gotten me presents/angpow and also a large Boston cheesecake. So that made 3 cakes in the fridge...luckily my brother and my dad were around to help finish them off. My colleagues also treated me to my favourite Korean food at Kimchi-Haru, though it wasn't Korean bbq, but it was still yummy Korean kimchi pork :).



From Aileen, Kwang Houg and Michelle

 

Presents and angpow from Uncle, Auntie and Sam

My dad happened to be in town for my birthday, so we went to Sid's (my choice) for dinner. It was pretty expensive, and I think the food was just so-so that night :P. The next weekend, my uncle brought us to Shook! at StarHill Gallery in KL for my birthday as well as their anniversary. Looking at the prices on the menu was pretty scary. Almost every main course was above RM50! Had to choose carefully to pick something more reasonably price and hopefully a large enough serving. You know how fancy food comes in tiny sizes but with exorbitant prices! My ex-colleagues also gathered for a lunch on a weekend after my birthday at Kissaten for Japanese fusion food. They got cupcakes from Wondermilk+ instead of cakes, which was a good thing, since I'd just cleared all the cakes out of the fridge. Haha! So even though I wanted it to be low-key or quiet this year, I still had quite a few celebrations, but nothing too fancy. Thank you guys!

With Kenny, Danny and Yoke Mun

As with every birthday, I take the opportunity to reflect upon how I might have changed or grown compared to the previous year. The thing that still remains is that I still prefer bad boys. Haha! Well, not quite like previous years where I just liked them rebellious. Nowadays, I mean the guys that are willing to try new things, not just stick to the rules all the time. They should also have a touch of maturity, or ability to see the world from a different perspective. I think these type of 'bad boys' would be streetwise or worldly, that they've experienced things to mold them to how they are now, so they could always advise or help me when I need it. Prime examples of these type of guys would be Big Bang's TOP, Show Luo Zhi Xiang, Nicholas Tse...oh and Ian Somerhalder aka Damon Salvatore. Hehe. They LOOK like bad boys..but they don't necessarily have to be completely bad or be criminals, you know?

I would also say that I've become more...um...vain and concerned about my looks than previously? I mean, I've been trying to take better care of myself since I moved to PJ, but over the last few months, I've paid more attention to it. I would buy more skincare products, where previously it'll just be cleanser and moisturiser, now there's sunscreen, BB cream and lotsa masks! Then you add eyeliner, lipgloss/lipstick and occasional mascara and eyeshadow. I've tried the more natural look to the dramatic black eyeshadow. Heck, I've even tried false eyelashes! Besides the face, I've gotten more interested in my nails and clothes. Seems like I've gotten a bit known in the office for my nails and shoes, since I'm willing to try things out. As for clothes, as per Linda and Vicky's influence, I've started reading magazines like Ray, Vivi etc to check out the styles. So I would say that now I have more 'current fashion' pieces in my wardrobe compared to previously. Of course, I'd still pick pieces that can be reworn often, even if it's not quite in fashion now. Heh, I think I'm quite a shopaholic now.

Which brings me to the next change. I went through quite a long period of confusion and not knowing what I wanted out of life. The 'quarter life crisis' come early as I liked to joke. But now I think I'm pretty sure about things now. Previously I would choose a career over my family and love. I would have said that i would be willing to sacrifice in order to advance my career. Currently though, I'd prefer to have a simple but happy life with my family and friends. Of course, salary has to be enough to save some money, but ultimately, I would choose to be back in Kuching with loved ones. I may earn a higher salary in PJ, but it gets lonely here. Not many people to ask out for movies or even meals, especially if my brother isn't around. When you need help, sometimes its hard to figure out who to ask without feeling embarrassed. I mean, there r friends but somehow my pride gets a bit in the way, probably coz we're not that close yet?

So yes, at 25 years, I feel that I am starting to like what I've become, and of what I've achieved. I would say that though I am still single, but I am kinda comfortable with that. A girl's gotta love herself before loving others right? Though, please don't let that stop you from introducing me to anyone nice.. Hehe. Once again, thank you all for your wishes, messages, gifts, celebrations. Here's to more good times with everyone :)



Present from Dad..hehe...



fnally got my new Nike shoes..half a size too big..but thanks for getting them :D

From CY and Siew Hie

YG Family Love

As you all can tell, I'm currently really into K-pop, most notably Big Bang. Big Bang is actually from YG Entertainment, a music label known for their hip-hop artistes who actually write or compose their own stuff. In the same label, they have 2NE1, also known as the female Big Bang. Linda's a huge fan and so am I. What's not to like, they have catchy songs, awesome stage presence, they're cute, I like their personalities plus, they embody female power and independence. Plus, just like Big Bang..they have really good fashion style. 

Recently, both Big Bang and 2NE1 have been endorsing mobile phones, one for each brand. For each advert, they have a special song, as is the style in Korea. Most of these songs are actually pretty good and catchy. The great thing is that they also put in a lot of effort into making the MVs. I actually liked 2PM's Tik Tok for their phone advert, but somehow YG Family's MVs seem so much better? Especially 2NE1's here. There's not much story in both, but just the quality of the production, detail, fashion..whoaa...

Big Bang - Lollipop 2

2NE1 - Try to Follow Me

At the same time, here's some of my other current faves with links to the MVs, do check them out :)

1. G-Dragon feat. Flo Rida - Heartbreaker (GD's original Heartbreaker  was accused of plagiarising Flo Rida's Right Round..but that was sampling an old song too..so he shut up the critics when he released this remix)

2. Brian Joo - In my head (Korean version of Jason Derulo's, he even performed the english version with Jason in Korea)

3. Girl's Generation - Run Devil Run (9 hot girls..lol)

4. Kara - Lupin

5. T-Ara - I Go Crazy Because of You (extremely catchy and addictive! u just feel like grooving to it..lol)

6. F.Cuz - No One (another clubbish track)

7. CN Blue - I'm a Loner (reminds me of the Beatles in a way)

8. Oneway - Magic (love their velvety, smooth voices)

9. Ernest - Because I'm Weary (from the KBS Drama Master of Study OST, makes u feel emo n sad when u listen, but it's nice!)
10. Rain - Love Song (This is a must listen, c'mon it's RAIN!!!..also another sad song..)

2AM - I did wrong

Ah...2AM is just winning me over these days...After the release of their first single which I previously posted, they returned with their repackaged album with this song...'I did wrong'. They filmed a music drama MV for it, it's quite your typical Korean drama...but i don't know..something about it just appeals to me..mayb coz the song is catchy? I think the lyrics are meaningful too...

Translated lyrics:

Chorus:

I was wrong wrong wrong

Your words were so, so, so sweet that

I didn't realize you were playing me, me, me

with your words, words, words everyday

Baby do you really wanna hurt me?

Why are you doing this to me? why?

The stories regarding your behavior

I tried to ignore and pretended that I didn't hear but

The way you smile at my friend

Change it Stop it
Even though I tell you many times

Bridge:

You say I'm so sorry only for that moment

You say I will change only for that moment

My heart in pa, pa, pain it hurts but
I can't help but repeating

Chorus

Refrain:

Baby you breaking my heart

Baby you hurting my heart
I want to stop this
I know this is wrong
but I keep going back to you

Baby you and I

Like a bad popular song

I'm crying inside, but I force a smile like a clown
Baby you and I
Like a bad popular song
I'm crying inside

Chorus
Refrain

Rap:

My heart and body go astray

Although I was deceived by love I wipe my tears

and just go back to you knowing that this is wrong

The fact that I am a toy that you played and threw away

Makes my feeling unbearable

But Why! Why! Why! Why!

Today I am a clown who smiles in front of you again

Chorus

Refrain

Credit: This wasn't done by me, but I've lost the link!

Part 2 is here

2AM - Can't Let You Go, Even If I Die

Though I am primarily a Big Bang fan, I still can appreciate songs from other singers. I've been watching 'We Got Married' Season 2, this Korean reality series where celebrities are paired up as a married couple and they have to carry out missions, stay together, and act like a real couple. In Season 1, my favourite couple was the Joongbo (Hwang Bo and Kim Hyun Joong of SS501) couple. Because of this show, Kim Hyun Joong was cast as Ji Hoo sunbae in the hit Korean drama 'Boys Over Flowers' last year. This season, my fave couple is the Petite/Tidy couple (Ga-In of Brown Eyed Girls and Jo Kwon from 2AM). Their personalities seem rather like the Joongbo couple but with some differences of course. Similarities is that the male of the couple is rather unique in how he does or says things and they seriously nag but they still seem kinda sweet. The girls of both couples are the shyer ones and afraid to initiate things, I think because their partner is from a male idol group and there could be serious backlash from their fanatic fan girls. Difference would be that Jo Kwon can be rather annoying with his constant repetition and feminism, while Hyun Joong was more blur, aloof and a little..weird? Ga-In isn't as domestic as Hwang Bo but she tries, and she's not as independent as Hwang Bo. Makes for good entertainment anyway.

Okay, besides all that, 2AM is the ballad equivalent of 2PM and they were both created by JYP, a very famous producer. He made Rain and Wonder Girls famous...surely this would strike a bell? This is 2AM's new single, and though the MV is well..typical boy band stuff, the lyrics and melody are rather haunting and meaningful I think. Check it out:

Even though I'm young, the pain is the same

Just because I don't know the world very well

Doesn't mean that I don't know pain

Why do you lie, saying it'll be okay?

How will my heart that hurts this much

Be healed so easily?

How will I live without you?

That's why I

CHORUS

Can't let you go, even if I die

How am I suppose to let you go?

Whether you go or leave, fix my heart

If you can't fix it so that I won't be in pain

So that I can at least live

I wouldn't be able to live anyway

I can't let you go, even if I die

No matter how much you push me away

I'll hold onto you until the end

So that you won't be able to go anywhere

If you're really going to leave, then lie

That we should meet again tomorrow

That we should meet as we smile

If breaking up wasn't a joke, then I

CHORUS

We went through so much time together

How are you telling me to live by myself now?

I can't do that, I can't

I can't let you go, even if I die

I really can't let you go

How am I suppose to let you go?

I can't let you go

Whether you go or leave, fix my heart

If you can't fix it so that I won't be in pain

So that I can at least live

I wouldn't be able to live anyway

I can't let you go, even if I die

Credit to Leaping

Vainpot

I just read Lin's latest update about changing her hair for CNY, so I thought I'd finally show my new hair, which I also did for CNY. I went back to Kuching last weekend for a close friend's wedding and decided to kill 2 birds with 1 stone by getting my hair done for the dinner as well as for CNY. So, tada, here it is!

I got my hair dyed a brownish-red, don't know what's the exact colour code, but I got it done at my cousin's salon, Eric Salon and I've always been happy with how my hair turns out everytime I go there. I also got treatment done and they set it like this for me. Normally they set my hair slightly differently, but they were trying something new so I quite like it. Okay, to be honest, I think I finally look remotely hot? In the words of Leonard, I look like a woman?! (I have yet to whack him for this). In 'celebration' of looking hot, here are more pics!

Actually, when they first started dyeing my hair, I suddenly got the thought, would it end up looking like Ye Eun's of Wonder Girls? Lo and behold, it did. Check out my much much much prettier and hotter twin..lol

I think I can be forgiven for being vain this time, since there are actually very very few pictures of just me myself and I on this blog. Anyway, I won't look like this everyday, since I am unable to style my hair in the professional way they can. Haha! Okay, to bring me back to the ground and stop being vain, I have to admit one thing....I actually have glasses!...

They are actually 25 degrees for normal use, but most importantly, 25 degrees in the vertical plane to fix my astigmatisme. Why did I get glasses if its only 25 degrees? Well, most people have astigmatisme in the horizontal plane and they can just squint their eyes to focus better, but since my eyes are sooooo unique, mine is in the vertical, so it doesn't change anything if I squint. I'm only supposed to use my glasses mostly in the afternoons when my eyes get more tired or if I'm doing fine detail work. So yeah.

Okay, since I may have scarred some of your eyes, I shall leave you with some REAL hotness..ahahah..well..at least I think so..as well as countless other fan girls..LOL!!

None other than the completely hot but also adorkable TOP/Choi Seung Hyun...