This is kinda a continuation of my previous post on my strange feelings about one of my best friends changing jobs/moving. In the days following that post, I've been thinking a lot about it. And I've come to think that, though we may be in the same city, it doesn't necessarily mean that we are free to meet up too and all tat. Like CY and Hui, they're both still in Kuching, but bcoz they're both busy with work and new colleagues/friends, they rarely meet up too. What more to say the rest of us who are scattered over West Malaysia, or the rest of the world? But of coz, I know that when we do meet up, we're still the same as ever.
I've also started thinking about certain friends and how they seem to treat me. Like u know sometimes, u'd get phone calls from ppl who want something like assignments, projects, books, answers etc? And other times, you don't hear from them at all? That kinda happened to me few days ago. Normally, I'd be more than happy to help out my friends, especially this friend who I've always helped out. But I guess bcoz I was always willing to help out, this friend kinda took it for granted. So there was no 'Please' or 'Thanks', but more of 'commands'. And I felt a bit pissed, but I did tell this friend in the end, to which they kinda joked it off by way of explanation/apology. Somehow, I know this friend is kinda like this, as in tend to 'use' ppl but I also know that we are still friends, just that maybe the tone of their 'command' sms sounds too much like commands.
Thinking it through, I guess this is actually normal for people to 'use' each other. I mean, how often do u call some1 up just to talk about nth at all? There is always a reason to call up ur friend, whether to ask them out, ask for something/help/advice etc. I think a major reason for this is that we're all so busy with our own lives (or it seems so anyway!), that we don't have the time to just call up our friends to chat aimlessly. There is always something we want out of it, not that it's always for materialistic stuff. It can be for support, advice and etc. So yeah, I guess it's normal for this friend to call me up and ask me for help with documents. I've always gotten requests for help with documentation...they say it's due to my English? I should feel honored that there's something for ppl to refer to me....after all, I always feel so lousy in other stuff. Oh, and also event management...lol..
In a way, if someone calls u up for some purpose, there's one good thing. At least they think highly of u in that aspect...and in some cases, at least they're thinking of u! For me, if I don't think highly of them or feel that they're not up to 'standard', I definitely won't even think of calling them for anything. Unless i absolutely have to! And another thing that I kinda came to a conclusion about is....that it doesn't really matter what ppl do to u. The most important thing is how we feel about ourselves. It is up to us what makes us happy and what doesn't. And I think it's really pointless to care about what others say, bcoz u can never please every1. So, I am trying to think in this way. As long as I've done my part as a friend, I won't think too much about how my friend treats me/returns the favour. My conscience will at least be clean. My happiness should not have to depend on any 1 person or people. I should be able to make myself happy first.
But I'm definitely not denying the power of friendship. My caring for friends is kinda what led to me to think about all this stuff. If I didn't care so much about them leaving/moving or the way they treat me, I wouldn't analyse this into detail. You know, ever since I watched Friends, the series...I've always wished that I could have that. One day, live with a bunch of friends and going through the best part of our lives together. But I also realise that it's fairly impossible. People come and go all the time, off to uni/work/married. Old friends drift apart, you meet new ones and so on. And like in the series, they themselves change too. Relationships change over time, from friends, to being a couple...then back to friends. I can honestly say, it is really RARE for a guy and girl to just be friends. Most of the time, feelings will develop, mayb on 1 side, or both, and it can go 4 ways.
1. They don't end up together, but their friendship becomes stronger.
2. They don't end up together, but things bcome weird between them and there goes the friendship.
3. They can be togheter, but if they breakup, things might be weird.
4. They can be together, and after breaking up, they're still good friends.
2. They don't end up together, but things bcome weird between them and there goes the friendship.
3. They can be togheter, but if they breakup, things might be weird.
4. They can be together, and after breaking up, they're still good friends.
Trust me, I've been through all 4 of them, lol. But I have a lot of good friends so far, so I'm really glad to have met all of them. There are a few groups of them, like the 1st batch would be the Lodgians (all you Point 3's!) and of coz the Gathering Gals! Then, we have G4 (stands for Gay 4, ahah!) from Swinburne....I am the only girl, so yea, I think that's where the whole Princess thing came about. But they rarely treat me like a Princess....they bully me! And of coz, I've learnt to bully them back. Then there's JAMS, where MIchael is the only guy and was our brother. Last but not least, it's the Mahjong/Monopoly/clubbing kakis! Though I only got to know them better for the last 1 year, they were the ones that I really wished to have the FRIENDS experience with.
Part of the Gathering Gals and Point 3 ppl :)
The incomplete G4: Chiet, me, Yi Chan, Stephen (Thong Wei's missing)
JAMS: Jenny, Mike, me and Serena
Mahjong/Monopoly/clubbing kakis: CY, Henry and Siaw HuiSo yes, I am feeling better about myself, and the position I'm in. I can now say, I'm proud of my friends, what they've achieved. And I wish everyone the very best in their future undertakings. You'll always have a supporter in me. I do hope you guys feel the same way about me too :) But if you don't, that's ok. I'll still support myself! After all, its better to love someone without any expectations of them loving you back....it's the most painful, but sincerest type of love. Hmm..somehow this isn't coming out the way I'm thinking. Must b too tired....hehe..Muakz
1 comment:
awww.. u put a smile to my very tired face *hugs* miss u very much too!
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